Monday, March 26, 2012

So far so good....

I am finishing Day 4 of my first treatment of A/C.  And I'm doing pretty darn well!  Friday morning came early with lots of anxiety.  My Dad came and got Ethan on the bus for me, since Brian had to go to PT before meeting up with me.  My friend Jody picked me up at 10:30am with rice krispy treats made with pb (thanks Aunt Jeanne-delish!) and ginger ale and off we went with my bag and blanket and frayed nerves. 
My other friend Carissa was able to meet us at the Cancer Center for my tx also-it was like a little Chemo Party!  We overtook the first row next to the windows, I'm sure I was the youngest person in there, and within minutes we had made friends!  Imagine that? 
So there's this routine to how this whole treatment day goes, and me being new to the cancer game was not aware of this. 

Get there, get checked in, get armband on.

Go to tx room, get weighed, pick a seat, any seat, move in.

wait. wait. vitals taken. wait. wait. wait.

RN comes and accesses port-awesome BTW-you know how when you have an IV, and you feel everything going in it, including saline?  Not with a port-nice!
RN draws labs, hangs fluids.

The big question-do you want some Ativan for nerves?  Absolutely!
In goes Ativan, Emend, Steroid.

wait. wait. wait. wait. pee. wait. wait. wait.

Meet with Jennifer-NP about lab results.  They were just as expected- WBC-or white count is 6, and Neutrophils 2.5.  By this Friday they are expected to be cut in half from the hit on them from the chemo.

RN comes back with 2 syringes of The Red Devil.  Hand injects.  Done with one drug.

RN leaves to go get Cytoxan.  I pee again.  Did I mention the Adriamycin is just a shade lighter coming out as it was going in?  And that fast.  I had been warned about that so I wouldn't freak out.  No freak out.

RN comes back with Cytoxan, hangs it, starts it, runs for one hour. 

DONE! 

Was I really that worked up?  Yep, I was. 

Then I spent all weekend waiting for the proverbial ball to drop.  Am I gonna get sick now?  Or now?
Today?  Tomorrow?
So here's what I did; pretended like I didn't have cancer, and hung out at home Friday night, Saturday went to the zoo and dinner with the Williams.
I took my prescribed regimen of anti-emetic meds and it wasn't until Sunday morning about 7am that I felt the first twinge of nausea. 
Ethan's food was beeping off (he's on a continuous feeding pump, and he sometimes gets rolled over on it and kinks it, and it beeps)  I awoke to the noise, and instantly felt like I could throw up.  I laid there for a few minutes then I woke my Mom up-told her to get Hailey, my meds, and the famous yellow puke buckets.  Oh, and some saltines. 
Took my Emend, ate 2 crackers, drank some water, laid back down and within an hour it had passed.

Later that day I went with my Mom and sisters shopping for my youngest sister's wedding dress.  Then we went with the Phillips to a fundraiser for an officer's family whose wife also has breast cancer, then home to chill out!

Today I went back to the Cancer Center for my Neulasta shot.  Easy, sub-q in the fat part of the back of my arm, 5 minutes and we're done.  This should help keep my blood counts from being at their lowest for too many days, thus cutting down on some fatigue.  We'll see, it also comes with severe bone pain, woo-hoo can't wait!  I took a little walk tonight in the lovely weather, and felt darn skippy!

 Sunday night I drove down to the hospital I work at to see some co-workers and chat.    That just made me sad.  And mad.  Real mad.  In dealing with this, the one thing that pisses me off royally is that I can't go back to work while I fight this.  I can't go to the job I enjoy with the people I enjoy who make me laugh and earn an honest living.  I want to work.  I like work, and I feel useless not being able to.  I completely understand that right now the risk of me being infected by someone I take care of at the hospital poses a bigger threat than anything else, but it doesn't make it any easier.  It infuriates me that there are so many people out there who don't have cancer, who could go to work without the risk of a life-threatening illness, and simply choose not too.  This goes hand in hand with us not asking  for help, and me not working puts us in a financial position where we have no choice.   But we have the most awesome support system, and I'm even being told on a daily basis I'm not letting people do enough for us!  So, I'm trying.  And we are appreciative beyond words, and somehow, we will do for someone else, what has been done for us during this journey. 
I will say this, if you ask me what I need, I will say nothing. 
If you ask what you can do for me I will say nothing.
Ditto for my husband. 
So if you say "I'm bringing you dinner/lunch/breakfast and doing your laundry while you sleep you stubborn ass"  I will let you. 

And foot rubs are always welcome too!

ps- I still have my hair.....




A/C  treatment #1 03/23/2012



Friday, March 23, 2012

Scared, but ready!

Tomorrow is my first round of chemotherapy.  If I said I wasn't anxious, or nervous, or scared, I would be lying.  I am all of those.  I'm even a little teary just thinking about it. 

We met with Jennifer,  who is Dr Sheehan's NP on Tuesday, and got all educated on my chemo.
My first round will consist of two drugs, Adriamycin and Cytoxan, or A/C.  I will get this combination four times, once every other week.  Each infsuion will take 2-3 hours.  I then get a break for 3-4 weeks, then get my last drug-Taxol four times, once every other week also.  The Taxol will take more like 4-6 hours each time.  I will then take an oral chemo drug-Tamoxifen for 5 years upon completion of these three drugs.

This is a pretty common combination of drugs for breast cancer patients with similar pathology as mine. 
Now for the high points of this course:
Adriamycin-otherwise known as "The Red Devil", as this drug is kind of a kool-aid red color and has probably the most severe side effects of all three.
This drug is the reason I had to have an echo of my heart prior to starting, and will have one at the end of treatment, and possibly one during.  This drug is cardiotoxic, and can affect the left ventricle-or squeezing action of the heart.  My heart is awesome-ejection fraction is 60%, well within the optimal range of 50-70%.
*In a chemo regimen the day of treatment is Day 1, then count up to Day 14 and start all over!
So I will start with what should happen from Day 1-14 in order.

Day 1:
Lab draw, infusion of chemo, go home feeling fabulous

Day 2-4:
Nausea and vomitting.  Woo-hoo, my favorite.  I hate to throw up, and I hate throw up.  Brian is the vomit parent in our house.  I do poo and boogers.  He does vomit.  They loaded me up on 4 different drugs to help counteract this, and if I follow this I am told I may not ever vomit, just have some waves of nausea.  There is a great pill on the market made specifically for chemo nausea-it's called Emend, and I'm thrilled we have insurance, because the cash pay price is $247.99 for two pills.  Yep-2. dos.
I will take these pills on day 2 and 3.  Fortunately with our insurance these two pills were only $50. The other nausea standards I got were Zofran and Compazine.  They also gave me Ativan for anxiety.
Another trick for counteracting this-drink lots of water.  And when I feel like I'm floating. Drink more.

Also on Days 2-4:
Bladder irritation.  Seriously.  Bladder irritation.  This is where the Cytoxan comes in.  It is toxic to the bladder and I will need to empty my bladder every 2-3 hours to keep this drug from sitting in my bladder causing toxic irritation.  Whippee.  I work in health care.  I sometimes forget to pee for hours.
I may need to set an alarm to help me.  But I'm sure if I have pain or bleeding with urination I'll remember real quick.  Again-to help with this-drink even more water.
Days 5-7:
Mouth Ulcers.  No toothpicks. No mouthwash with alcohol.  No dental floss. No spicy, acidic food. No alcohol.  Darn.  I was kinda hoping to just be drunk through this whole process in the hopes it would make the time fly.  No such luck now.  Oh, and for the mouth ulcers likely to show up-I get to rinse and gargle with baking soda and salt. Yum. And watch for bleeding gums.  Fabulous. Good thing I got my teeth cleaned in February. 

Days 7-10:
Neutropenia.  Blood counts will bottom out-namely my white blood cells or the infection fighters. 
Good hand washing. Bathe daily-duh. No picking or cutting cuticles.  Avoid places with lots of people.  Damn no more wandering around Walmart and Target.  Avoid sick people-this is the one that makes me angry-cause it means no work.  Avoid people recently vaccinated.  Avoid shaving with a real razor-electric only.  Not that it matters much-read on down to Days 14-15.  Oh, and my favorite-if I have a temp of 100.5 or greater I am to call the office right then.  If it happens at 3am-do not wait til office opens, do not wait til 5am.  RIGHT THEN.  This temp indicates an infection and means a probable trip to the hospital for high dose antibiotics and admission.  This one will be hard for me.  I'm used to not calling until at least 104.  My husband has asked that anyone who comes to visit-feel free to shove the thermometer in my mouth and check my temp randomly because he knows I won't.  Also-this is the time that I will need my family and friends to understand that if you are sick, feverish, feeling crummy, if your kids are sick, or even if you think 'it's just allergies', stay away.  My goal is NO HOSPITAL ADMISSIONS and a sick person around me will put me there faster than anything.  So be warned, there is hand sanitizer just inside the front door of my house-lather up if you come in, every time, and if I do get sick and suspect it was from you, be prepared to receive a bill for my co-pay.  Just kidding.  No, not really.

During this time I could also become anemic-low red blood cells and/or thrombocytopenic-low platelets or blood clotting cells. So I will be a tired, but clean, bruised germaphobe. 

Basically I'm gonna feel like I just got ran over by a truck on days 7-10.  A big truck.

Day14-15: (after this first dose only)
Alopecia.  Hair loss.  Yep, that's why no worry about the shaving bit on days 7-10 cause once I hit day 14 of the first round, I will be hairless within days-and this will last until I am done with all my chemo.  In preparation, I cut bangs in my hair last night.  Yep, I'm a closet hairdresser and I know all my real hairdresser family and friends reading this are cringing right now, but I did a pretty damn good job if I do say so myself.  It will all be gone soon enough, so I may just start chopping every couple days or so. 

So, I will feel great, then nauseated, then tired, then just when I start to feel better again, we start all over.

To help counteract the low white blood cells, I will receive a shot of Neulasta on Day 2 each time.  This won't increase my counts, it just helps them from being at their lowest for longer than 1-2 days.  This is another fabulous drug, and side effects include severe bone pain-starting in the lower back, then the femurs-or thigh bones, and can even be in my sternum-or breastbone.  The sternal pain can sometimes be severe enough to mimic chest pain and has sent folks to the ER thinking they are having a heart attack.  To help with these symptoms, I will take 3 days of Claritin and 3 days of Aleve. Odd, I know-but if they say it works, I'll try it!

Oh, and did I mention all of this will put me in 'chemo-pause'. Yep, add hot flashing, emotional dishrag, psychotic crazy woman to the tired, clean bruised germaphobe.  Who wouldn't want to be around me???

I'm not even going to start on all the fabulousness of the Taxol, we'll just wait for that goodness til close to time to start it!  As far as any restrictions,  there are actually no restrictions while on chemo except no sushi-OMG I almost cried when she told me that! And no salad bars or raw salad or veggies that I don't prepare myself at home. So if bringing salad to us-it needs to be in a bag so we can re-wash it.  And I have to be careful with honey if my counts are low.  Oh, and no plants or flowers please. 

I'm feeling good though, getting enough rest, and felt the best I have since surgery on Wednesday and today.  I went to dinner with my bestie Andrea and her friend who is a survivor.  Sherri answered a lot of my odd questions only a survivor could, and it's kind of funny how much our courses are the same.  We were both even diagnosed on the same day. 

Oh, and we heard back from Ethan's Make-a-Wish wishgranter, and the days are set!  We are going to Disney May 6th-12th!  It will be the first week of my 3-4 week break and I was cleared to go from the doctor!  We are all excited beyond belief, and I ought to get by with just one bag since I won't need one whole suitcase for my hair products!  My prep time will be super fast, and I won't have to worry about the icky Florida humidity.  I just have to remember to use sunscreen.  Me and the bald kid with our SPF 7000.  I can't wait to get on the plane with a face mask on and see how many people freak out.  I'll just announce "It's ok, it's not the bird flu or SARS, just breast cancer"  think people will believe me?  Oh, yeah, I'll be bald, they sure will.  Or if anyone asks, I'll just put on a red bandana, eye patch and big hoop earring and tell them I'm a pirate.  What the hell do you think anyone would say back to me then?   

Enough for now, need to go to bed so I can be nice and rested for my treatment tomorrow!

I may need to start on my Ativan now.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Down for the count

Sunday was a tough day for me.

I was down for the count, and not sure I wanted to get back up.

I'll go back a few days-
Friday the 16th I got my port placement.    So get to NKCH and get all prepped for my peeps in Interventional to get this thing in me-left side with an IJ stick.  IJ is internal jugular.  One of my fave Rads-Dr Waltner-who always smells so nice BTW-was the doc who did it, and of course my awesome bestie Carissa was there and Shana RN knocked me out while Heather scrubbed and Laura was the sono tech telling them where to go in my anatomy.
I was awake.  Ok, not really.  I felt like I was awake the whole time, only to be informed I was so schnokered that I would randomly wake up and partake in the conversation around me for like 2 minutes, only to fall back asleep and begin snoring again.  So when it was all done and over, I thought I had only been back there for 20 min TOPS, ummm, yeah, it was just shy of 2 hours!  Oh well, what can I say-I like my drugs!  So, low profile port in my left chest-to the inside of where my bra strap lies and outside of the view of a v-neck shirt.  Thanks Carissa for guiding Dr W on that!  Oh, and Dr W had talked to Dr Failing, and  I was able to have my left drain pulled that day also after my port placement!  Home we went where I slept all afternoon!
This is my port.  The bruised area at the top is on my neck, just above my collar bone where I was stuck, and the port is the small raised area under the purply shiny skin-it's just the dermabond holding the incision together-not a bruise.


Funny comment made to us at hospital. Picture me being wheeled out of holding in my wheelchair by a nurse, and Brian following behind in his immobilizer sling. Well, we must look like quite a pair because a Cardiologist at the desk took one look at us and asked out loud "Who's driving?"
Yeah-the drugged up patient or the dude in the sling? Quite a sight we are, quite a sight....

Now for some graphic pics-if you have a queasy stomach, keep scrolling down.  Though these don't really look bad, they are of my drain and drain sites.  Not pretty, but depict a pretty good picture of what breast cancer patients go through, and have to look at for the rest of our lives.  Looking at these in the mirror are tough, even tougher when you realize they are on your own body.
This is what my left drain looked like.  This is about 4 fingers width under my left arm pit. 
I had two of these on my right side.
Below pic is the whole JP Drain contraption.  Fancy huh?



Some of my scars.  The two red 'holes' are where the drains were on my right side-under my arm pit.
The steri-strips you see above them are covering the scar where my right boob used to be that extends into my arm pit.  My skin did not like all the tape and adhesive, and actually looks much better than this now!

Saturday was a pretty good day-Hailey was gone all weekend for a VB tourney in Topeka-1st place in Flight-not too shabby!   Parker had a couple of basketball games that afternoon.  It was a nice day, but really windy.  Mom had come up to stay with us again over the weekend-a HUGE help, and since Ethan was kind of being a butthead, Brian and I took P to his afternoon game.  They lost, but only by 4 points-it was tough game.  Parker was pretty bummed, as he didn't get to play much at all, and it was the last game.  We tried to cheer him up, but he was upset and I could tell.  Now last week was the kid's spring break, and for all the great plans I had for us, none really panned out.  The kids hung around home most of the week, especially P.  My Mom, sister-Kim and Step-Mom Teresa all came over Saturday night and we attempted to scrapbook-yeah, my Mom got 2 pages done-nobody else did anything but talk.  I did, however, start on Ethan's 8th b-day party decorations I'm making.  Here's a hint : think "Under the Big Top".
By the time everyone left, Parker had been upstairs in his room for a while by himself.  When I headed into his room to say goodnight to him, I heard him crying.  Now he's a 12 year old boy, and though my emotional child definitely, not a crier by nature.  In talking to him for a while, he broke my heart.

Parker: "Mom, tomorrow is the last day of Spring Break and we didn't get to do much.  I know it's cause you and dad are sick and had lots of appointments, but I'm sad.  And I know that's selfish to feel that way"

Did I say broke my heart?  Ripped it out, tore it in pieces and stomped on it. Instead of being angry, like he has every right too, he felt selfish for feeling that way.  Stomp on my heart some more.

Me: "Buddy, I'm soooo sorry we didn't get to do much this week.  I will make it up to you, I promise.  Next weekend-Friday night you can have Dad and me all to yourself-you pick the movie-we're going.  And Saturday, as long as the weather is nice-to the Zoo we go!  Then Sunday we have the CHD Picnic, and a Fundraiser for a Police family.  Fun, Fun.  Promise!"

Now my older kids have always had their lives dictated by one cute, little, orney bald kid. 
And they never complain.
Ever.
But Parker always gets the short end of the stick. 
And then I knew what was coming next
Parker : "Mom, Dad and I aren't going to be able to go fishing in Canada are we?"

My heart was picked up of the ground and then thrown out the window at this point.
Brian had plans to take Parker on a fishing trip with our friends  the Williams who were taking their boys also.  Trip has been planned since before Christmas.  Deposits paid.  But Brian and I had already been talking about the possibility of them cancelling because he wasn't comfortable leaving me home during chemo with Hailey and Ethan, and the financial burden if I'm out of work  this whole time. Though nothing had been finalized yet, and I was still racking my brain for a way to get them to Canada.
But Parker knew.  Don't kid yourself.  Kids always know.

Me: "Probably not going to be able to this year bud"

P's eyes welled up with tears and we just sat there and hugged each other and cried for a little bit.  Then he asked.
Parker:  "Mom, are you going to die from this?"

My heart that had just sailed out the window hit the ground and just shattered into a bazillion more pieces and THEN got run over by a car.

Me: "NO.  This cancer will not kill me!  I mean that buddy.  It's just a bump in the road.  It's just some more crap we got handed and we will make it through this.  You hear me?  I will beat this.  Why?  Cause I have all of you to help me.  To make me happy, and make me smile, and not let this get me down.  Buddy, what happens when life hands us lemons?  (one of our family sayings)
Parker: "WE MAKE LEMONADE!!!"
ok, my version lately is something more along the lines of "get out the Tequila and salt...." but not appropriate for the 12 year old. 
Me:  "Absolutely right buddy!  And lemonade we will make outta this!"

We hugged some more, which helped put my heart back together a little, but I know when I left his room, he was still so sad.

So onto Sunday.
Down. and. Out.
Didn't sleep well Saturday night.  More tightness in and around my chest.  Area where left drain had come out was still sore and hard to sleep on.  Lots of phantom pain-for my breast feeding moms-it feels like when your milk comes in each time-that odd, tingling sensation-only worse-cause there's no boobs there.  Wind blowing like crazy and my blinds making all kinds of racket. Oh, and my mind was racing  ninety to nothing.
 I was beat.  This had beaten me. 
I have been 'on' since day one of this shit diagnosis and all the bs that has come with it.
I ached.  All over.  My body ached, my head ached, my heart ached more than anything. 
I couldn't be 'on' anymore. 
At least not on Sunday.

So I wasn't.  I slept in, ate bacon and toast and yogurt for breakfast, but had ice cream for lunch.
I watched brainless movies with my boys while my Mom and Brian went to the store.
I thought about nothing.

It really felt ok.

Then my day got better. 
Our awesome friends the Williams-mentioned above-Brian and Colette and boys-are taking Parker with them to Canada on the fishing trip and Brian is staying here with me. 
Parker's face lit up the room!  My heart was so happy to have such fabulous friends who would do that for us, it makes me cry even typing it.  I love you guys!

More good news.  We received a phone call from a Lenexa PD Sgt.  We had been nominated to be the recipients of the 2012 Guns and Hoses Motorcyle Ride in June, and she was calling to tell us our story had inspired her, and once she read it-there was no question.   All proceeds from the ride will be given to our family to help offset the financial burden of me not working and Brian being on limited duty til mid-May and not being able to work off-duty to make up the money lost.  Woo-hoo!  We are so blessed to have awesome friends who nominated us for this-thank you Andrea and Troy! 
I have been corresponding with Sgt Mendoza and she will have our info up on the website soon!  Check it out, the organization is a great one that helps out Police and Fire families.  And if you ride-please join us! 
http://kcgunsnhosesride.com/
It's a 70 mile Police escorted ride that starts in Lenexa, and ends at Worth Harley Davidson.

And a special gift came to me.  Another police family who has dealt with this cancer crap for far too long, sent me a book.  Cancer 101 by Jackie Malena.  I have never met Jackie in person-but do know her husband Joe-KCPD officer, and met her adorable little girls on a few occasions.  She is a true fighter and I have followed her battle for a few years.  She always prevails.  You can never count this girl out, and she's been kicking cancer's ass for too long.  And in the midst of her fight she thought of me, and sent me her book with a nice handwritten note inside.  Thank you Malena Family.  Thank you.

So I may have been down for the count on Sunday.

But I'm not out.

I'm back 'on' baby. ON.

ps-my husband  is finally able to sleep in our bed again, after a month of sleeping in a recliner in our living room with his crazy, uncomfortable sling on!  And though at one time I used to want to put a pillow over his head to stifle the snoring, I'm kinda comforted by it tonight.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Of course I look great....

I've been pretty social in the last few days, couple of dr appts, friends coming by, walking in the neighborhood,  trip to the pizza place and the liquor store, stopped by the Rad dept today.  After the "how are yous?" and the hugs, the statement I have heard a lot of lately is-"You look great!" 
So, either I really looked bad before, or everyone expected me to look soooo bad after surgery-and I really just look normal that they think I look great.  My response?  Thanks-and of course I look good, I'm not dead, and I'm just pretty f*#$*ing amazing!  Just kidding.  I appreciate the compliments, they really make me feel like less of a freak. 
But I am amazing.

Today I got 2 of the 3 drains out-both on my right are gone!  Left one still there-think it's coming out Friday though.  AND all of my staples came out.  I can't *really* shower yet, but if I would like to (and man would I like to!)  I can cover my drain side with tegaderm and as long as I don't let the water pour directly on that area-I can shower!  My incisions look good-or so everyone says, I haven't had the nerve to actually look at them yet, other than looking down at my chest.  I can't bring myself to look at them in the mirror.  Someday.

My right arm is somewhat still numb in my armpit and on the underside.  Dr Failing says it could be this way for 3-6 months since all my lymph nodes on that side are gone.  But in time those nerves will re-route themselves and eventually sensation will come back. 
My only restrictions for now are no heavy lifting, and if I do lift something to not support it against my chest.  Still no lifting the bald kid-but I can drive-as long as I'm not taking my pain meds-and I'm down to only one yesterday-and none today!!!  That's not to say I'm not still living on Tylenol and Ibuprofen. 

Thursday 3/15 I go to the Cancer Center for an echocardiogram-or ultrasound of the heart.  Some chemo drugs are very hard on the heart, and they need a baseline to make sure my ticker can handle it. 

Friday 3/16 I am going to have my port-a-cath placed at NKCH.  This will be done in Interventional Radiology, so just some feel-good drugs and some numbing stuff -no anesthesia.

Next Tuesday 3/20 I am back at the Cancer Center for my hour long chemo education appointment where I will learn all about the toxic drugs they are going to pump into my body to kill off any remaining cancer cells that think they might want to linger.  I will also learn about all the potential side effects, and the drugs they will use to counteract those.  I will also schedule my first chemo appointment on this day.  Woo-hoo can't wait!

We are really enjoying having the older kids home this week-Hailey got her driver's permit on Monday-seriously-I'm not that old am I???  So Brian took her driving around the mall parking lot this afternoon.  She did well, still a little heavy-footed on the corner turns, and not so great at backing up-but then again she is driving a huge Suburban, so all in all-not too shabby! 
Parker has been connected to his Playstation all week, so much so that he often forgets to eat lunch.  Seriously?  And when I do make him get off of it he huffs and pouts around the house like a crackhead going through withdrawl.   He might just go completely bat-crap crazy when I tell him it gets put up on Sunday again til school is out.   I may have to hide it while he's sleeping and break a window or something and try to convince him someone broke in and stole it. 
The bald kid?  Back to his crazy self!  Thank goodness!  Been at school all week and loving it.  Going to bed at a pretty normal time-though he did decide to wake up at 4:30am Monday morning and talk to all of us for an hour.  Otherwise he's been happy.  And our motto-when Ethan's happy....everyone's happy! 

Hitting the sack now-and finally getting to sleep on my right side.

cause I'm amazing.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

I like lazy Sundays

A day to sleep in late, stay in my jammies all day (Ok, like I've actually gotten out of my jammies at all in the last week...) and hang out with the fam.
The rain and clouds made it easy to be lazy and crafty!!  Yes, I've been crafty.  Cutting felt circles, and ribbon and making flowers, and gluing and pinning all kinds of stuff.  Being crafty keeps my mind busy and my hands busy.  And it keeps me from wanting to do stuff I shouldn't like cleaning and driving. 

Again-I have to say thanks for all the wonderful meals and snacks and gifts!  Some of my favorite gifts are those that are hand-made, cause I know how special hand-made gifts are-they are gifts straight from the heart, and close to mine.  I have given hand-made gifts to people who I know don't appreciate the time and energy and LOVE that go into them-and I want those of you to know who made mine how much I love and appreicate them!!  One is a wreath from a Bunco friend Jenny-and I love it!!

I love the blingy flower centers and of course the pink ribbon!!!  Thanks Jenny!!

Anothe fave is the pink ribbon blanket my friend Tiffany's girls made for me!  It is the perfect length and nice and warm!
Thanks Ashlee and Jordan!  I love it! 


And being in the crafy mood, I made a ribbon wreath for myself.  When Andrea planned my GNO BBB night, she asked all attending to bring a roll of pink ribbon-any color pink, any print, any style. 
I took all of the ribbon I received, and some stickers from another gift and made it!  I love it, and it is made of ribbon from all who are loving and supporting me through this journey.  I have so much ribbon left over, that I am making two more of these.  One I plan to get to a KCPD Officer's wife who was diagnosed in November with breast cancer, and he contacted Brian and I both when he heard about me and let us know they were keeping us in their thoughts and prayers, and I have corresponded with her a few times over FB.   Another is the wife of a college fraternity brother of my husbands.  She was recently diagnosed and had surgery the same week as I.  I have only met them a couple of times, but ironically we know alot of the same people, and my sister even works with a very good friend of theirs.  This wreath is bright and happy and makes me smile whenever I look at it knowing it came from people who love me, and I know those same people would be happy to share their support with these two women also! 





















The older kids are on Spring Break this week, so we will have lots of extra help around the house, and two people to get the bald kid on the bus all week!  And from what the weather people are saying-it looks like temps in the 70's and possibly the 80's by the end of the week, so I'm thinking I might keep E out of school one day and all of us take a trip to the zoo!  I haven't seen the Polar Bear exhibit yet, so that would be nice!  Everyone is concerned about me walking that much-but heck-they have those scooters out there for rent, I'll just get me one of those and stuff Ethan in the basket!! 

In the meantime, Ethan has a follow up appt with the Pediatrician on Monday afternoon-which is going to be quite the family affair-since I have to go to his appts, Brian will go, and we need my Dad to drive us and get Ethan in and out of the car seat and car! 
I am supposed to see Dr Failing on Wednesday.  He was on vacation last week,  so I am calling first thing in the morning to let him know I don't have my staples pulled yet, as he may want to do that before then. 
Brian has PT three days this week, and is planning to go back to work on limited duty on Thursday.  He has some sick time-but lots of donated sick time, however he can't use the donated hours until he has exhausted all of his vacation hours, and since I got sick in February, he hasn't used but one or two vacation days!  We hate for him to use all his vacation time, because he may need time off for me later in the year, so he will go back and start accruing some more sick time.  I'm sure I will have plenty of care-sitters if I just say the word!  It's not like I really need anyone to do anything for me, except reach up for things and help me up, and bend over for things, but it sure is nice to just have the company!  So please-feel free to come by-even just to say hi and chat! 

We heard from Ethan's Make-A-Wish Wish Granter, Stephanie, the other day.  Unfortunately-or fortunately, however you look at it right now-the dates we picked for his trip in April are all full at Give Kids the World.  We gave them some more dates in May, and we will see how those work out, and if not-we will try to push it til October.  I know you are asking how I could possibly consider going to Disney while going through what I am right now-but have you met me?  I will be fine-and if bald, then I won't have to worry about fixing my hair everyday in that humid Florida weather, thus taking about 30 minutes off my morning prep time.  Brian will be thrilled-we might actually start getting places on time!!  Besides, I'm not a huge fan of the crazy roller coasters-so I don't have to worry about getting any more nauseated than I already will be.  I have been assured there are plenty of drugs out there to counteract those side effects anyway!  Also-I can get one of those scooters there too!  Woo-hoo!  I'm gonna be a scooter pro before all this is over!!

For those of you who have brought us meals, I keep forgetting to get your mailing address so I can send out proper Thank You's.  Please email me your address, cause I will be working on those this week!  Send it to my personal email at karawley03@yahoo.com
And for those of you who have asked for our mailing address:
1418 NE 93rd St KCMO 64155
oh, and please send me your recipes!!

My bestie, Andrea, extended the Meal Train for another week, taking us into April, but I have had lots of emails from friends who would like to bring us a meal, but almost all the spots are taken.  So, we are going to open some more days up in April, but not until we know if I will have any food restrictions while on chemo.  I already know there are some herbs and spices I will have to avoid, and once we know more we will post those and more days. 
this is the meal train link if anyone is interested:
I can't tell you all how much help the meals have been.  The only pain med I can take is pretty heavy duty, so once I take it all I do is sleep.  Aside from that, not being able to lift my arms up, or even get a gallon of milk out of the fridge, it makes it kind of hard to even think about cooking.  I tried to get something out of the deep freeze the other day, and once I got leaned over that far, it was really hard and painful to get back OUT of the freezer.  Not a pretty sight.  So again,  the meals, and those of you taking the time to make them, or bring us lunches for the week(Nicole-you and Kenny really did way too much-thank you x a million!) area godsend!  Much love and thanks to you all!!!

K

oh, another funny story for your week-I drove Parker to school last Friday-and NO I am not supposed to be driving yet, but he had his sax, and a pie and backpack and posterboard for a project, so I felt bad about him having to carry all that stuff on the bus.  So,  I put on my slippers, tucked my drains in my make-shift drain belt, threw a jacket on and headed out to the garage.  My sister had driven the Suburban last, and not quite used to driving something that big and pulling it in the garage, she pulled it way tooo close to the pole in our garage and I couldn't get the damn door open to get in!  Fear of ripping out a drain kept me from trying to squeeze in the small opening I was left, so I climbed in the back seat, climbed over the console and into the front seat and viola!  All was well, and off I drove.  Well, I've since been punished with threats of finding my vehicle on jacks in the garage, I have learned my lesson and pinky swear I will not drive again until I am released to do so.  In the meantime, with nice weather and to prevent me from going stir crazy, bat shit mad, I may need a friend or two with a car to bust me outta here every now and then! 



Friday, March 9, 2012

Awesomeness!

That's how I feel, and that's how my day was! 

I slept fabulously last night, and woke up way less stiff than the last few days.  Stiff and tight is really how I feel-not so much 'pain'.  Everything around my chest and under my arms and from my back forward just feels tight.  But today-not too bad!

My friend Tricia was at my door at 9:45 with one of her super cute little people and helped me change Ethan, get him dressed and get him ready for the day.  The she carried him down the stairs for me.

By 10am my friend from work Kathi was at my door, and by 10:10 Dad was here to take Brian to his Dr appointment with his shoulder surgeon and be his driver/companion for the rest of the day.

So me and the girls it was!  Tricia made me breakfast and lunch and Kathi re-taped up my drain bandages that were doing nothing but sticking to my shirt and they both made me laugh and smile-lots! My Mom showed up on her way to work with cookies, an electric razor, a cherry pie for Parker's Pi day at school tomorrow, and new SpongeBob CD Player for the bald kid so I can have my Bose system back in my room-and he can listen to his Taylor Swift every night!  Kathi and Tricia both left around 3pm(ish) and then my evening shift came.
 Jenn came first with a delicious unsweet tea with 2 lemons from QT and her mad crafting skills!  Together we got my pink ribbon wreath almost done!! 
My dinner delivery arrived along with a gorgeous blanket her daughters made me-thanks Wells family!  I will post a picture tomorrow!
 Then Michala-my night shift- arrived!  Just as we were about to warm up dinner-we realized the dogs didn't have enough dog food to get through tonight and tomorrow, so a field trip we took!!  I got to go someplace other than the hospital or home for the first time in 7 days-and it was to.......drumroll please...... Pet Smart!  Woo-hoo and dressed in, you guessed it, my jammies!  At least it wasn't Walmart-although I might have shown up on the 'People of Walmart' website had I gone there!  Jenn drove and Michala buckled me in, and it was a fabulous field trip! 

Dr Sheehan called me this afternoon-oncologist from the Cancer Center-to give me my pathology results.  She is so nice!  Mind you-these are read to me by a Dr-and they vary slightly from what the RN told me yesterday-so believe who you want-I believe Dr Sheehan. 
Left Breast Negative (same info)
Right breast additional tumor of .9cm in size (she told me .6 yesterday-but really no big deal-still tiny!)
2 of 14 lymph nodes were positive (again-same info)
Lymph nodes were macrometastatic (I think this is where the RN freaked out-that word 'metastatic' means it has spread-thus the freaky behavior-I'm guessing)
BUT in this case all that means to me is...nothing!  Had Dr Failing NOT taken out all my axillary lymph nodes, it would have been concerning, and we would be scheduling me to have that done ASAP.  It sometimes also means Radiation Therapy at the end of Chemotherapy just to zap those last few possible remaining cancer cells in the axilla to help stop any recurrence there.  She said that is not something I will probably need though.  But no promises yet.  And I'm ok with that-step by step. 
So basically I'm Stage IIB.  Not too shabby, and pretty much where we thought I would be!

So it looks like chemo in my near future.  Dr Sheehan said they will call me next week to set up an appointment 2-3 weeks from now to give me all my education on the chemo drugs I will get, and the other drugs available to help counteract any side effects.  This is like a learning appointment, and I will have oodles and oodles of info from it.  My chemo regimen, she thinks, will be every 2 weeks for 8 cycles- so for a total of about 16 weeks. If any Radiation treatments are needed-we will know then.
 I should then start on Tamoxifen-an oral chemo and take it for 5 years.  This is her best 'guestimate' but a true plan will be decided in a couple of weeks. 

In the meantime I am supposed to rest and heal.  My drains and staples will come out, umm, sometime, and then I can get scheduled to have my port placed.  As soon as that is done, chemo can start. 
Brian's Dr's appointment you ask???  Umm, in that blasted sling for 4 more weeks!  His repair was more severe than originally thought.  So continue sling, PT and rest and heal.  Hmmmm, heard that somewhere before???  He asked about driving-and though they said they can't release him to drive, they also know they can't stop him.  But as long as he's on pain meds-no driving.  And he's still on pain meds-and definitely on PT days! 

So all in all, an awesome day with awesome news and awesome friends and family!


A funny story for you so you can have this lovely mental image in your head for the rest of the day/night:
I really needed a 'bath' last night and my hair washed.  Since I waited until 11pm to do this, Brian was my help.  Picture me, on all fours like a dog, in the jacuzzi tub, head under the faucet with my husband on his knees, with one free arm and one in a sling, pouring cups of water over my head and trying to shampoo my hair.  He did a darn good job-as funny as I'm sure we looked, and then he combed my hair out while I soaked in waist deep warm water holding my drains up around my chest! We tried shaving my legs-but not such a good combo of handicaps here-and I think I'll use my new electric razor tomorrow!
I think we did a pretty good job, and if I ever questioned it before-I now know how much my husband loves me! 

Thank you everyone for spending time with me today-and thank your families for letting me have your time! 

You're all awesome!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I'm sorry MY cancer makes YOU uncomfortable....

Really?  And I'm trying hard not to be a bitch about this-or throw the "I'm the one with cancer" line out there.  But this is getting downright ridiculous!

Told to call office on Tuesday and ask for Dr Failing's nurse for her to give me Pathology results. 
OK-call on Tuesday-no results. 

Call today and yes-prelim and final results are back.  But she will have to check with one of the other doctors in the group before she can read them to me.  Fine-here's my call back number.

She calls back and here's what I get:

Left side breast is completely negative

Right side breast found an additional tumor of .6 cm in size

Two of fourteen lymph nodes were positive.

Then she stops. 
So I say-ok, I knew about the lymph nodes-he told me after surgery that on touch prep two of the three they tested were already positive. 
I swear she let out a sigh of relief.  Ok-I get that-she didn't want to tell me about something I didn't already know-but then again-isn't that her job-or would Dr Failing have made sure I spoke to a Dr instead of a nurse???
Then I ask about what stage it was.
And she answers with
" Well, that's not something I'm comfortable telling you".
REALLY?  YOU aren't comfortable telling me about MY CANCER????
Immediately I'm consoling her!  I feel bad for her. Poor nurse.
So she thanks me and tells me I will find everything out in detail NEXT WEDNESDAY at my follow up appointment with Dr Failing. 

Now all the secrecy leads me to believe that the results are bad, and if they aren't-how am I supposed to think otherwise at this point???

Well, I sure hope Nicki the Nurse can at least feel comfortable and get some sleep for the next week......not sure I will.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Everyone's finally home!

It's day 4 post-op for me, and I  think I'm doing pretty well.  A few tears, a few angry words of frustration, a rash, some pain, a little miscommunication, and finally today the bald kid came home too!  He was admitted after a looooong night in the ER Friday night and was found to have a staph infection.  The big worry was that it was bacterial-and in his blood stream, which would be really, really bad with his donor valve.  A bloodstream infection like that would go straight to that valve and be bad news.  Fortunately (holy cow-luck?) it was only Staph Epi-or a skin staph infection.  Wooo-hoo!  Still means high dose antibiotic-and of course only comes in brand-for a mere $50!  And along with that a raw, little, red baboon behind for a while.  The good thing is-he only seems to fuss when the med upsets his tummy and then he poops right away and screams til he's changed.  Bad thing is-he does that 5-7 times a day!

It was nice to have him home today, though I can't hold him when he cries, or rock him on my lap, or hardly even lay down beside him, it is still very nice to have him back under the same roof!  And a huge thanks to my sister Kate and my Dad who shared staying down with him at the hospital overnight.  Apparently Ethan was not into sleeping too much the last two nights and my Dad learned real quick what Fentanyl is and when to ask for it!   And aside from Nutrition sticking their nose in his chart and demanding his feeds be increased significantly(which we did NOT, and WILL NOT do while he is having a separate issue-one thing to deal with at a time folks) and the Pharmacist refusing to approve his home Immunogbulin Infusion to be given last night, so he missed this week (makes me furious, especially when it's all sealed up in the maufacturer's packing with an order attached to it!) and the residents 'accidentally' stopped an antibiotic they weren't supposed to, and he missed three doses before my Step Mom (a pharmacist!) caught it and called them on it!  I think his stay was ok-at least I didn't  have to drive my invalid self down there and go off like a drug induced crazy woman-not that I didn't think about it once or twice.  I think my family sugar-coated everything for me anyway so I wouldn't be too tempted to do just that.  For that, I love them all! 

And a huge thanks to my Mom who stayed at our house on Friday and Saturday night and made chili dogs and did laundry and dishes, and took care of Parker and the dogs and made sure I came home to no stress!  By her doing that it allowed Brian to stay with me at the hospital-which was nice for me, and I think helped him too.  I know he feels helpless right now, and I did have a little pity party for myself at one point and told him to go away.  He knows and loves me though and walked away from me for a minute until I had gathered my senses back to normal and was ready for his help. 

And my sister Kim was a life saver the last two nights, being here, giving me my meds on time, making me breakfast and making me eat it, making me drink lots of fluid and reminding me to rest.  I love you and are glad you could stay.  I needed you these last two days and am so glad you were here.

Sunday evening was good, until I took my oral pain meds.  Did I mention that I was on my pain med pump until the absolute last minute in the hospital and actually pushed the button not ten seconds before the nurse pulled my IV?  So, since I was never given a chance to see if oral meds would work for my pain control while still in the hospital, my first dose on Sunday I had an allergic reaction to-rash all over my neck and up my chin and down my chest.  It can't be the med-I've taken it before-or something so similar it shouldn't matter.  But it did.  Call office next day anyway to schedule having my drains pulled and staples taken out on Friday as Dr Failing instructed not only me, but my husband, my mom, my Dad and step-mom and anyone else who was there to hear it to do, only to be told they won't do it that early-not before 14 days and since Dr Failing is out of town-and he left no orders, no staples being pulled.  His reason for this, as he explained to me, Brian, my Mom, Dad and Teresa is that longer than a week will leave staple mark scars, and he did not want that to happen.  Guess someone else can pay my plastics bill next year to have that fixed then.   AND when I told the nurse about my reaction to the pain meds-the other Dr she asked called in basically the same damn drug.  So, to appease everyone, I took it, and lo and behold-allergic reaction-rash on neck and chest and up on chin and face.  By this time I'm an itchy mess, sleepy as heck from all the Benadryl I'm taking and slightly irritated.

 Call office again, and I'm asked what MY suggestions are for another pain med then???  
Seriously????  I'm the patient, and I know I'm smart and amazing and all, but I have no f##*#*g clue.  So, I throw the name of a drug out there that someone suggests-Toradol.  NO-Dr Tripses WILL NOT PRESCRIBE TORADOL.  Well, WTF then???  If I have to go to the ER for pain relief, I'm sending my $200 co-pay bill to your office.  FINALLY at 2pm this afternoon-after having nothing but Tylenol and Ibuprofen for 24 hours the nurse calls to tell me Dr Wittek wrote a script for me for Dilaudid and I can pick it up.  Thank goodness!  Amazing how one 4mg Dilaudid made me feel so much better and no rash!!

And as far as discharge instructions and limitations go, I was told not to vaccuum, and not to shower.  That's it. 
Can I raise my arms over my head?
Can I lift anything? 
Can I drive?
Can I skydive?

amazing-nobody seems to know anything?!!?

And to top it all off?  I got a bill today for the BRCA testing for $3400!  Good thing I saved my 'approval' letter from the insurance company.  While talking to the insurance gal she kept wanting to 'check on this further and call me back'  No thanks sister, I got allllll day to sit here on hold for you-you are NOT getting off this phone call with me til I get some answers why I'm now being billed. 
Yep-mistake on their part.  Will get that handled right away and resubmit for payment.  Good thing I have a little experience with insurance bs.  Clearly gonna need it now more than ever!

Still no path results though, lots of tissue to go through.  They will do path on both breasts, and all 25 lymph nodes he took out of my right axilla.   I have to call the office on Thursday to give them the amounts of fluid from my drains to see if they are ready to pull on Friday or not-so I'm hoping the results will be back then, and we will know the stage I'm at.  

Otherwise, all is well, and  we are hanging out at the house, and being taken care of nicely by all the wonderful family and friends we have.  We have had amazing support from everyone and are appreciative beyond words! 
The meals have been fabulous and so helpful. 
The rides for Brian and the kids a life saver.
 The nice emails, cards and gifts...make my heart warm. 

Thank you all!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Day Two

Had a pretty good day today, compared to a crappy last night.  I just couldn't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time last night because I was sleeping sitting up, and I'm a side sleeper.  Had to pee about 4am, and they brought in a bed pan-nooo, then a potty chair-noooo, so up I got and walked to the bathroom.  Being up felt sooooo goooood.  And once I was up walking around-my calf squeezer's got to come off!


Dr Wittek-one of Dr Failing's partners, came by this morning, and looked at my drains-3 in all-and the bandages over my incisions and said they all look great.  My incisions are closed with staples, to help with nicer scarring, and because of those and the drains-no shower til they both come out-which will be on Friday.  But since I can't raise my arms up over my head, not being able to shower and wash my hair doesn't really matter.  Now I need volunteers to come over and help me do that this week, cause you should have seen me with my 3 drains, IV pole and unable to bend over forward and Brian with his one arm trying to get my pajama pants on me this morning!  Quite a sight we were!

I'm doing pretty well, still on my pain pump, but will get switched over to oral pain meds tomorrow to go home.  Brian is doing better every day, I just feel so bad for him, with his one arm, he tries to help me with everything and can't.  He slept in a reclincer in my room last night, and though he's been sleeping upright for 10 days,  last night was kinda rough on him.  I told him to go home tonight and get some sleep, but he's kinda stubborn like me, and loves me just a little-so he's here! 

Ethan is still at the Mercy.  He has some type of blood infection-possibly staph-because his blood cultures are already showing gram positive at 24 hour prelim.  My sisters Kate and Kim were down there last night, and my Dad and Teresa most of today.  Kate is staying again tonight, and my Dad is staying tomorrow night.  Ethan is still spiking fevers, and they want to hold off on Tylenol and Ibuprofen to see how high he goes now that they know he has some type of infection brewing.   They are starting him on some oxy for the pain he's in.  What really sucks, is that as long as he's got something like Staph-I can't even go down and see him, because I can't afford to get any type of infection right now.  My heart is breaking.

Hailey had a volleyball tourney in Topeka today-and they took 3rd!  Woo-hoo girls!  Awesome job!  She was a bit overwhelmed yesterday with me being here, Ethan getting sick and Brian being incapacitated, and her emotions got the best of her for a little while.  Thank you Carissa for letting her cry on your shoulder!  She thought about staying home from her tourney today-but we all encouraged her to go-that she needed to go and keep a normal routine as possible, and I'm sure she is glad now that she did!  Thanks Janning family for taking care of getting her there-and all her VB family for taking care of her while there! 

Parker had some mixed emotions last night and today too, he just isn't quite sure what all is going on, and felt terrible about Ethan being sick.  He went with Trevor and the boys today to basketball games and to hang out, and I know that helped.  He then came down and saw me for a while and we had some good bonding time.  Phil took him to his basketball game tonight-which they lost-but he scored two baskets!  Dammit-of course at the game I'm not at!  Thanks Phil for taking him and watching his game! 

Thanks to all my visitors last night and today!  Thanks Lindsey and Brad for the flowers-they are gorgeous.  And my KCPDFF girls for the Cup O' Courage-love it!  Jeanne-my girl from the hospital gift shop-I love the soft puppy and balloon!  Rachel-you know the way to my heart with the candy bouquets!  Heather-the plaques make me smile and I know exactly where they are going in my house.  Colette-thanks for the latest smut mags and M&M's-and the pink rose bush smells fabulous in my hospital room-can't wait to get it home and planted!  Andrea and Troy-thanks for the choco shake-it hit the spot and thanks Andi for combing my hair and making it 'pretty'-HA!!  Thank you Tricia for coming by-I got you on my schedule this week for sure.  And a big thanks to Beckie and Steve for coming by to visit and making me laugh! 

Mom and Parker are headed down to see the bald kid tonight for a while, and Brian and I are laughing our butts off watching "The Bad Teacher" -hilarious!  Cameron Diaz is even more funny while I'm on Dilaudid!  I figured out how to get on my side to sleep tonight, so I'm hoping for some better zzzz's.  Oh, and I have a fabulous night nurse.  Funny how my day nurse never measured my urine, checked my drains, listened to my heart or lungs, checked my pulses or cap refill or anything, and that's the first thing my night one did?????  And don't even ask about the fake poly-fill boob camisole she brought me in today that is absolutely terrible looking and even worse fitting.  I am sooooo designing some new products for post-mastectomy patients.  As if having no boobs isn't bad enough-this thing they want me to put on one day post-op would damn near make me suicidal!  Oh, that and what the Nurse Navigator said to me 30 minutes before my surgery that was compeletely inappropriate.  I'm hoping that maybe once I'm not medicated I can tell someone just how inappropriate it was, but not sure I would sound too credible right now slurring my words.  I'm just hoping my day nurse tomorrow gets it together enough to care about sending me home with the proper info on my drains and what not, or I'll be staying til someone does.....

enough bitching, time to hit my magic button!

Friday, March 2, 2012

Round One done!

This is Kari, so be warned there may be some Dilaudid induced typos!  I'm in Room 533,  got up here about 8pm-I think?!?!?

First things first-a huge thanks to all of my cheering section.  I love you all and loved waking up this morning to such encouraging messages.  Just makes my determination to kick this even stronger!

Now for what you all want to know-lymph nodes on the right were positive. So it looks like chemo is in my near future.  We will know more when the complete pathology comes back around Tuesday. He biopsied three, and two were positive.  Kind of what we already thought anyway-but again-will know the full deal in a few days.  On a positive note-I get to stay a whole two days now!!  Woo-hoo!

Was scheduled for a port placement too, but Dr Failing was unable to get it in, so I will be visiting Radiology sometime in the next couple of weeks to get that done.  I know a few people there-so I'm thinking arranging that won't be too hard!   Speaking of Radiology-my department and co-workers are awesome!  Many of them were sporting pink ribbons on their name badges today in my honor, and the CT folks got some 'fight like a girl' pink bracelets to wear.  Surgery actually let me wear mine in the OR!  And to the Radiologists-thank you all so very much for the generous gift!  It was very, very thoughtful!  Dr Feiock-thanks for all your help and for doing the Sentinel Node injection for me today.  I greatly appreciate how wonderful Dr Feiock has been since the start of this crazy journey for me, and all his kindness and thoroughness, and lido w/epi.....
  Everyone in my department for that matter!  You all put the R in Rad!  (Literally!) 
I'm so funny-and high right now!

Now-in truer than true Rawley fashion......Ethan is being admitted to Children's Mercy right now.  He came home from school with a low grade fever-no big deal, but by 4pm it was 103.  My sister Kate and Hailey took him to Mercy North, and he was transported from up north to downtown by ambulance.  He has a red, hot to the touch leg, and so they think it's cellulitis.  He's getting some high dose antibiotic right now-Vancomycin and Rocephin and were getting ready to do a doppler when I talked to Kate last.  If I can ask a huge favor-I really don't want him alone at all, and clearly I'm not going anywhere, and Brian can't drive.  Between my sisters and Teresa and Dad I know they are going to be there with him, and my Mom is staying at our house with Parker- but if anyone can spare some time to swing by and give them a break and him a hug I would be especially grateful!!   

And another favor to ask-will someone please hunt down the evil person has has the voo-doo dolls of my family and bring them to me????  Don't burn them, or throw them away-just bring them to me so I can put them in a nice, safe location.......argh!!!!

Getting ready to hit my button and go to la-la land.  Will update tomorrow!
thanks again everyone!
k

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Let's do this!

Tomorrow is the big day.  I'm getting ready for bed, gonna shower with my Hibiclens, shave, paint my toenails(don't kid yourself-you all did this before babies, surgery, etc.) pry off the toe ring I've had on for 12 years and the diamond studs from my kids that stay in my ears always and forever, put away my wedding ring and the necklace of my husband's badge that is never not around my neck, then climb into bed with my husband-and probably not be able to sleep. 

But wait-it's too early to go to bed at 10pm,  I get to eat and drink until midnight, and I am NOT giving up a big glass of tea at 11:59pm cause I know I'm gonna wake up terribly thirsty in the morning.  Or at 3am, and because I know I can't have anything to drink, I'll be parched!

We stayed busy today though, and I only slept for 5 hours after I got off work this morning, so sleep should come pretty easy.

My appointment with Dr Sheehan was filled with wonderful news-my BRCA gene testing is negative!  Rock on!  This is great, fantastic, fabulous news.  BRCA1 and BRCA2 are the genes that if carry a mutation can 'pre-dispose' a person to breast, ovarian and sometimes even colon cancer.  So what that basically means since mine was negative is that I'm just one of the lucky ones who got breast cancer by random selection of suckiness-not because of some mutant gene.  (it really means a lot more than that-but abridged version for now)  There is still some research to do on it as far as my Mom is concerned-as she could be a carrier-but we know that even if she is, I didn't inherit the gene, therefore neither will Hailey!  Can I get a whoo-hoo here??? WHOO-HOO!!

I want to again thank all the wonderful people in my life, the gifts and cards have been showing up on my doorstep and in my mailbox all week.  They are amazing and each one is very special to me.  The words written to me make my heart warm, it's hard for me to swallow as I read each facebook post, card and email-are those nice things they are saying really about me??  I am blessed, blessed, blessed, and very humbled. 

I have to arrive at the hospital at 10:15 for a surgery time of 1:15pm.  My crazy, dear friend Shannon that I work with and one of my Radiologists explained to me how the Sentinel Node Biospy takes place-kinda weird-will explain later.  And the Radiologist who did my initial biopsy-Dr Feiock has agreed to do it since he and my boob already have a rapport going.  And like one of the other Rads said-'they all don't need to see my titties'!!   Then I'm gonna happily take my sleepy drugs and off we will go!  (and off they will go!)

Brian or my Mom or my friends Andrea or Carissa will update on fb-but just the basics-in surgery, done, doing well, in recovery, etc.  Since I will be out of it for a while, there will be no other info other than that shared until I wake up and hear it myself.   Once I have processed it, I will share it with all of you myself, and in my own words.  Thank you for respecting and understanding that.
Someone will also post where my room is, and you are welcome to come visit-however I will warn you that I really, really like anesthesia and last time called my husband 'Brindy' afterwards and fell asleep sitting up straight with a hot tea in my hand....but feel free to come by.

However, if you're one of those who thinks you might look at me and cry-stay home.  I know myself very well, and in knowing that, I know the hardest thing for me is going to be taking the first look at  my chest after surgery.  I am tearing up right now writing about it.  So, if you are one of those people-and I know some of you are-I love you, I respect you, and I think no less of you-just don't come up to my room and look at me with pity and cry.  Email me. 

and you bitches in CT-chocolate shake.  Seasons.  that's all I'm sayin.

k