Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Hair today......gone tomorrow

Yep, the time has come. It's got to go.

When I went to chemo last Friday, they all commented on how I still had my hair, but not to get too used to it. So Saturday I showered and a dust bunny size came out easily.
Sunday-more dust bunnies of wadded up hair.
With Sunday came the fatigue and the nausea-but I figured out what I did wrong, or I should say 'out of order'. My first treatment I was waking up early in the morning and taking my first dose of nausea med before it really hit me, then going back to bed for a hour or so. Then when I woke up to face the day, I didn't feel too bad. This time I have been sleeping in, then taking my first dose whenever I got up for the day-sometimes 11am....no judging, if you know me, you know I like my sleep! Anyway-not the route to go. I seem to be behind my nausea and am playing catch up all day then feeling good at night. Today I think I got back on track, and am actually feeling pretty good!

Then I took a bath. I have been on antibiotic for the start of sinus infection last week-which they told me would linger on forever. Awesome. Full head, popping ears, runny nose, sniffles, chills headache and sinus pressure that lasts for weeks!!! Just what I wanted! Since I felt less nauseated today, I thought I would take a bath with some of my detoxifying salts. The bath felt fabulous. Even helped my sinus pressure and achy joints a bit. Then I washed my hair. Tons of hair out in my hands. Made my hands shake, made me cry. I knew this was going to happen, but to be honest I'm really not prepared for it. I don't want to lose my hair. I don't want to see the look on Hailey's face when she sees me bald for the first time. It hurt her to look at all the hair in the trash can and vacuum up all the rest that came out when I blow dried it.
My friend Carissa described it best. She said looking at me now I don't look 'sick'.
Don't look like I have cancer. But once I'm bald, there will be no question. I don't worry about how other people -strangers will look at me. I'm worried about how 'real' this will all become for all of us once there is no denying it. But I am getting real tired of people hair all over my pillow and clothes and robe. And I still feel like I have a piece of hair stuck in the back of my throat I can't get rid of. The poor dogs are walking around coughing and continually licking their lips from all my hair floating around, I kind of feel bad for them.
So today is the day. It all goes. I can't stand another day of pulling it out in the shower and did I mention that my scalp hurts? It actually aches like from a pony tail or hat too tight, or a sunburn on my scalp. Weird feeling.
An amazing cancer survivor whom has taken me under her wing pointed out all the positives to losing my hair-no shaving my legs. No eyebrow plucking. Never not ready for tank tops. New fresh hair. Did I mention no shaving my legs??? And my personal favorite-no more money spent on color, cuts, and hair products (I'm kind of a product whore-it's in my genes I can't help it). My husband's fave: less prep time. By hours! Just kidding. But I'm sure we will get to more places on time now!

My friend Andrea is on her way over now to shave it off. And I'm sure there will be some tears, but just like how I'm going to approach every part of this crappy disease-let's do this and get it over with. Prolonging the inevitable won't make it go away, so I may as well grin and bear it.

Pics of the other bald person in our house to follow tomorrow.

Brian officially got to get rid of his sling today and as long as PT continues as is, he will be back to full duty early May!! And since I haven't been well enough to get back to work yet, that will be nice. You know what they say about the best laid plans......

4 comments:

  1. OH man, this made my heart ache like crazy for you! But, can I tell you how proud you should be to shave your head?? Takes a lot of guts, and I so admire you for doing something that I would be scared out of my mind to do! Can't wait to see pictures, because like I said, I'm sure you'll rock it!!

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  2. At least you know your dose is right...! In all seriousness, one day this will all be a memory, and your locks will be back in full force!

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  3. As Candice said, when it comes back you'll be rocking it. My family and girlfriends who have traveled this journey had a lot of "natural" body even ringlets in their new hair. We are all amazed with your strength and support you. Thank you for sharing your personal story!

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  4. So sorry that you're going through all of this. Losing your locks is turning point. Of course, it marks another day closer to recovery!

    When I went through radiation...ny hair stayed the same, but it was so weird "feeling" it fall out in the shower. It freaked me out....it felt like spiders climbing down my back in the shower! Ewwww!

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