A Decade of Wedded Bliss! Ok- most days!

My and Brian's 10 year wedding anniversary is today, and I'm pretty sure it was this hot on June 29, 2002 as it is today!

Our vows were the traditional ones; I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

When I think about those vows, and the 10 years we've been married, they become so much more than just words we repeated in front of our family and friends.

To have and to hold from this day forward... Brian has held my hand and had my heart from before our wedding day til now.

For better or for worse.... We've had lots of better, and even with the worse-it was better with him.

For richer...not likely to be rich on our salaries, but we do fine.

For poorer....we just feel blessed to have the things we do, and always know there are some with far less.

In sickness and in health....do I even need to elaborate????

To love and to cherish.....yep, even when I want to strangle him, and he wants to suffocate me.

From this day forward until death do us part....we are in it for the long haul, from that day, from this day, and it will take death to separate us.

We may not have the kind of marriage Ward and June Cleaver did, more like the Bundy's. But it's ours, it's been wonderful, and I wouldn't trade the last ten years or the person I shared them with for anything.

I'm only hoping we have 10 more

ok maybe those ten could have a tad less drama

Happy *late* Father's Day!

To all the Fathers out there, I hope you had a very special day filled with BBQ, fishing lures, hideous ties and awesome homemade gifts from your spawn.  Brian was telling me the best Father's Day gifts he got was when the kids were much younger, and I took them to Target and let them pick out whatever they wanted for their Dad.  He ended up with a fish picture frame, some bandanas, packs of gum and writing pens.  That fish frame still sits on his dressser. 

I received chemo treatment #6 of 8 on Friday, which was #2 of 4 Taxol.  I felt terrible after #1 for almost two full weeks.  My white count was pretty low, so they figured that was the main culprit, but my lab work showed I have a huge Vitamin D deficiency, along with a low white count-still-after Neulasta, and my hemoglobin is way low.  My sunshine vitamin is so low they started me on 50,000 units a week-sounds huge huh?  It's actually just a little pill no bigger than a Tylenol-thank goodness!  Dr Sheehan said all of the jacked up lab work is the reason I had such a hard time recovering from my Taxol.  The bone pain, weakness, muscle pain-all related to low hgb(hemoglobin), and vit D.  She was hoping I would recover much faster this time, but alas, I have not!  I had to go get my white blood cell booster shot today-the Neulasta, and when Jennifer my NP saw me, she decided right away to lower my Taxol dose.  I am achy, uncomfortable, and have the same bone pain and weakness all over again.

There was some talk of stopping the Neulasta, and moving my Taxol to every two weeks instead of every other week, but with my wbc's so low even on the shot, they don't feel like they can stop the shot.  So the other option is to lower my dose of Taxol and stay on my original schedule, plus add some more steroids after treatment to see if it helps the pain. 

Now, I know your first thought is that if we lower the chemo dose, then I won't get the full effect, right?  Well, I asked the same question, and in reality, the amount of chemo recommeded by the folks with all the initials after their names who get the big bucks to figure all this out actually say lower doses of Taxol over shorter periods of time can be more beneficial than megadoses of it.  Since it lowers all the negative side effects doing it that way, it then also becomes beneficial in more ways than just cure too.  Basically saying-I won't feel like I've been run over by a train for days on end, and can actually function! 

Which is good, cause after last tx, and this one, and feeling like a zombie, I was ready to throw in the towel and call it good.  Done.  Finished.  Finito.  Over and Out.
anyway, you get it.  I just want my life back.  I hate feeling this way. 
I have to get my labs checked again on Friday, and if I am still feeling crappy, and my hgb is any lower, they will transfuse me.  Not keen on that.

 Maybe my husband will just bring me a styrofoam cup of O+ and I can suck on that this week.....

An amazing day!

The Guns N Hoses MC Ride was Saturday, and we couldn't have had a more beautiful day for it!  The picture above was the ride start point in Lenexa, KS and rode 60 miles to Worth Harley Davidson in KCMO.  I almost didn't make the ride, and actually barely made it to the finish, but wasn't going to miss it with all the generosity of friends and family and complete strangers who rode for us.
There were miles of motorcycles in the ride-made me tear up as we got on 435 N and all I could see for as far as I could see highway was the center lane full of bikes riding in twos-side by side.  Bike cops from all over-as far away as Topeka-rode ahead of the group and shut down the highway entrance ramps so the bikes were the only traffic on the highway.  It was a sight to see, and many of the folks in the cars waiting on us were out of their vehicles taking pics and videotaping it all.  I'm sure it pissed some people off that they had to wait for the 300+ bikes to roll by, and normally I would care-but if they would rather trade places with me than wait for that magnificent show of support and unity-feel free.  I'm guessing they wouldn't. 

There were bikes......

bikes.....this is Troy and Andrea on your right and Jason and Heather on the left.....

And more bikes......this is us on the right and Rick on the left....and many more bikes behind us......

The Pink Heals firetruck was present at the start and the finish.  The Captain of the Pink Firetruck is Scott Stubler, a guy I went to High School with that graduated with my older sister Kim.

When I say I was moved to tears, I'm not kidding.  People came up to me the entire day and hugged me and said they were riding because they had been following my blog and I was inspirational to them.  One gal had a gorgeous white and pink Harley and yelled "we will find a cure" and put a big thumbs up to me as I walked by.  To all of you who follow this blog and rode for us--we thank you so much.  For the friends and family who rode and who continue to support us- we thank you so much.  For the volunteers of Guns N Hoses, Diana Mendoza of the Lenexa PD, Lori Maher, all the staff at Worth Harley Davidson- we thank you so much for your kindness and generosity and for all the hard work we know it takes to pull off such a successful event!  We will forever forward be supporters of this ride and the families it helps!  This ride also benefit the Barenklau family, a volunteer firefighter battling colorectal cancer.  I'm sure they were as overwhelmed and thankful as we were by the outpouring of support.   

I almost didn't even make the ride that day, because when they told me I would feel like I had been run over by a truck on Day 3 & 4, they weren't joking.  My chemo was Tuesday, and by Thursday night I started feeling crummy.  Went to bed early and sleep was non-existent. I tossed and turned for hours, just couldn't get comfortable.  I woke up Friday and really couldn't get out of bed.  One of my besties, Tricia, called that morning to see how I was and I told her I was ok.  By noon, when Brian had to leave to go mow, leaving me with Ethan, I was no longer ok.  Brian called her back and she came right over.  She made me eat a sandwich and drink some water and take some meds and made me rest while she hung out with the bald kiddo.  I'm sure she rearranged some stuff in my kitchen and did the dishes and had she the time she would have cleaned the entire house cause that's just who she is and why I love her! 

I felt terrible all of Friday.  And when I say terrible, that is putting it mildly.  My legs burned and hurt and tingled.  My hips and lower back ached.  Every joint in my body ached down to my toes.  To get downstairs I sat on my butt and scooted.  And I was freezing with the chills.  Then I had a low grade fever that night.  I had a headache and a neck ache. 

 It even hurt just to touch my skin.  My darn skin hurt.  really.

 Just like they said-I felt like I had been run over by a truck.  then backed back over.  a few times.   But hey, no nausea!  Woopty doo.  I would rather have had the nausea and even welcomed spending the day puking than feeling the way I did Friday.  Andrea and Troy came by Friday night, and they were pretty sure I wasn't going to make it to the ride the next day. 

But I'm a little stubborn, and I did feel a little bit better.  And most of all, as with getting through most of this cancer crap, I just told myself to suck it up and get out of bed and go. I find alot of getting through this is simply mind over matter  and making myself do things.  If I let every little ache and pain keep me in bed, I would never have gotten out of bed after my mastectomy.  Oh, did I mention this pain and aching is worse than that?  But I have a reputation to uphold, so I slapped a smile on, took a muscle relaxer and tried not to limp around too much.  People noticed, and for once I finally gave in and went home to my bed, and other than dinner stayed there til Monday! 

My counts have been pretty low.  Low enough to warrant a second shot of Neulasta.  My insurance company ought to love me for that!  I have to get my labs checked again on Friday to make sure they are coming up, which I'm sure they are, because I feel tons better.  Still having a hard time sleeping because as soon as I get in bed my legs ache from my hips down to my knees and I toss and turn for hours before finally catching some zzzz's.  I can't even drink myself into a sleep because alcohol with this chemo is a no-no.  What a buzzkill. 

I'm sure I will feel awesome by next week.  Yep, right in time for another 7 hour dose of toxic juice.

Oh, but I did get some good news!!  As of right now, unless we find that there is a benefit we don't yet know about, I don't need radiation.  That is based on the current guidelines of having tumor size less than 1cm (mine was .9) and less than three positive lymph nodes (I had two).  So, I'm really right on the fence of needing adjuvant radiation, but Dr Sheehan is ok saying no at the moment.  I was warned this could change before I'm done with chemo, but for right now, Woo freakin hoo!   

Hailey is enjoying volleyball camp this week and summer league play, and really enjoying Parker being gone.  Parker is having the time of his life fishing in Canada with the Williams.  Brian really wishes he could have gone fishing-and be there when Parker caught his first walleye, but after he saw how crappy I was after chemo, he was glad he stayed. 

There's always next year.

Heck, I may even want to join them next year.

not.