Spine Surgery is a GO!

We have been preparing ourselves for Ethan’s big back surgery June 30th, until we got a call last week that due to Covid it had to be rescheduled. They didn’t have a date for us at that time, but wanted us to go ahead with all of his appointments needed to ‘clear’ him for surgery in the meantime anyway.
So we visited his amazing Pediatrician in person. Gosh, I love Dr Russell! She is such a fan of our bald kid and I’m so happy to have her in our corner! All good there, said he’s the best she’s seen in years. Weight is stable, coloring of feet and hands is better, and of course he was sitting up showing off for her.
Pulmonology was next-it was a Telemedicine appointment. Based on his history of being difficult to extubate, she thinks he may suffer from a little obstructive sleep apnea because he’s hypotonic (floppy) and that his pharynx may be a little floppy too. He’s required racemic epi and oxygen and even bipap after a couple of surgeries. And he’s never been able to cough hard enough to clear so we are getting a cough assist machine at home to start working on his cough. Because post-op and in pain and he sure won’t be coughing on his own.
Then we took him to see our favorite bald doctor-Ethan’s cardiologist Dr Kaine. After an ECG and Echo, all of which were FABULOUS, he’s ok from a cardiac standpoint for this surgery too. His echo shows mild aortic and mitral valve leakage, which we already knew about, but his Melody looks as good as the day it was put in almost 7 years ago!
And after we got home from that appointment, I got the call that they DO have a surgery date for us now-June 19th is the day! Sooner than we expected, but all good!
He has a couple more appointments before the big day and a full spine CT and MRI. Since his scans will be done under anesthesia he has to have a Covid test done the day before-drive thru style at the main CMH campus. And the day before surgery he’ll be having a PICC line placed which will serve as his IV access, so no need for a bunch of pokes to get an IV at the start of surgery.
Our next few weeks are going to be crazy busy with E’s appointments and I have my 3 month CT and several PT appointments along with my regular visit with my Oncologist and my shots.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a nervous wreck about Ethan’s surgery, it’s a major one. It’s an 8ish+ hour surgery, but because of Ethan’s heart, there will be a second Ortho doc along with Dr Schwend in the case. They will keep it to 6 hours to keep him safe.
They will be placing rods the length of his spine from T4-L5 -so upper back all the way to his pelvis. He’s going to be in a lot of pain post-op, so pain control will be our main focus in the immediate days afterward. I don’t know all the logistics of recovery time, PT, movement, etc. We have an appointment with Dr Schwend on the 10th to go over all of our questions.
I’ve had several people ask if now is a good time to get this surgery done for Ethan with all that’s going on with me. And I thought about it, long and hard. But I’m not going to get ‘better’. And right now Hailey and Parker are both here to help me take care of him. And we’ll have nursing. It’s a harsh reality, but one to face that if we wait another year there’s the chance I won’t be in any shape to partake in his care at all-AND the older kids may not be here to help. And besides, since there’s a pandemic going on, any vacay plans we had for this summer are shot anyway-so surgery it is!

Last weekend my sister, Mom and I took a trip to La Junta, Colorado-my Mom’s hometown and where some of my Aunts and an Uncle still live. My sister-cousin from further North CO came down too. We had a great time. We laughed. A lot. We painted signs and ordered carry-out (fantastic vermicelli) we visited the cemetery where my Grandparents are buried. My nieces (really my cousins-but more like nieces) and I walked the cemetery and looked at all the headstones and inscriptions and flowers and trinkets loved ones placed there and saw a headstone that was a bench.
I thought, what an amazing idea. A place to sit and talk to your loved one when you need to. We joked about how some headstones were covered with flowers and what-not. I laughed and told the girls that just like the ginormous extra bow their Mother needed on her sign the day before, that I’m not a believer in ‘less is more’ but rather ‘more is more’ and my headstone better be as extra as that bow I made their Mom. More is more! And that I would haunt them all if they didn’t remember that. I also got to see my Aunt Linda who is fighting her own battle with Breast Cancer right now-she’s on the downhill slide with only about 9 Radiation treatments left! When I was younger she corrupted me and fostered my love of horror movies by allowing me to watch The Shining when I spent the night with her! We walked to the 7-11 for our Big Gulps and M&M’s and then hunkered down to watch my first scary flick-I was probably 7. But I wasn’t scared because we had her big Dobermans to protect us! Anyway-keep her in your thoughts. Have I mentioned how much my family hates breast cancer-I mean really-three women, when is enough? We need a cure already.

I’ve been unemployed now for 6 weeks and it’s a weird feeling. Kind of like an extended vacation. I miss my work peeps for sure!
I wish the weather would pick a season-it rained like a monsoon here today and was cold last week and then we had summer temperatures other days! Makes it hard to plan anything. But then again, I have big plans everyday. Gonna finish a specific project, gonna start a new one, gonna clean out the basement, gonna clean out the garage. And then some days I just don’t have it in me to do much of anything. So I don’t. I’ve started making smaller lists of things to complete-so I don’t feel so worthless when I only get one or two done.
I’m hoping when I tell my Oncologist about my fatigue that she has some grand idea to help it. Especially since I’ve found a good combo for my pain that doesn’t make me drowsy-I hate that my energy is so zapped all the time.
I’ve got a couple of sign-painting classes coming up and I’m looking forward to them. I had one last week and it was so nice to be around people again! And I love seeing people create something they are proud of-everyone thinks they aren’t artsy or crafty-and those people are always surprised at how good their signs turn out.

I hope everyone is staying safe. I’m sick of the Covid and what it’s done to all of us. I really miss my family and friends. My gals I used to walk with and have a GNO with. I miss handshakes and hugs. I want the world to open back up again, and damn I miss First Friday’s. I’ve binged everything on Netflix and Prime and Disney+, now I’m watching an old favorite NYPD Blue. I did just finish an incredible book call Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, recommended by my Onco Psychiatrist. It’s written by a Holocaust survivor who was also a Psychiatrist. Currently we are working on what I want my Legacy to be when I’m gone.
Right now it involves lots of sleeping, wine and swearing. Lots of swearing. My Psych thinks I need to work on that Legacy....we’ll see.

Keep Ethan in your thoughts and prayers to remain healthy for the next 3 weeks.
And good results on my CT Scan.

Will keep you updated.

Love, hugs and prayers,
K



Pic of Ethan’s curve-we can’t wait to see how much taller he gets when his spine is straight!
He’s our little hunchback

Quarantine update.

Since my last update Ethan decided to take a trip to Big House, yes, in the middle of a pandemic.
He was fine one minute and then he wasn't. In true Ethan fashion he spiked a temp and his oxygen sats dropped. He was having difficulty breathing and doing a little forced, long expiration. When we couldn't get his sats over 88 we headed down. With all the Covid precautions in place, the ER was empty. We got in and seen quickly and got put on 3 liters of oxygen to keep his sats at 90. Labs came back showing an elevated white count of 26k (normal being 4.5-11k) and an elevated CRP, which indicates an inflammatory process going on in the body. Those alone with the oxygen need bought him a room on 6 Hall Tower. His viral panel came back negative so they decided to test him for Covid. Never before have I been so scared for him, knowing he did not have the ability to fight that virus. Thank goodness it was negative, as was his chest x-ray and blood cultures. It was a short stay of only 4 days, and they ended up calling it an 'unknown viral illness'. I'm so glad it was just four days because with all the isolation precautions in place, only one parent can be in his room at a time. We are used to both of us being there a lot, plus Hailey staying overnight (she's young and can handle the 'bed' in the room) And it was just kind of empty, lonely and sad without people roaming the halls and everyone's faces covered by masks.

The week after Ethan's admission was my last week of work at NKCH. My last week of working as a CT Tech after almost 26 years. No, I didn't leave to go work somewhere else, other than home. My button-pushing days had just run their course in the midst of everything going on. Between my diagnosis and Covid, it was time. I am eligible for disability based on my metastatic diagnosis and have applied, and now is time to take advantage of all that social security I've paid into since I started working at age 15. Brian wanted me to quit working back in February, we just needed to get things squared away since we will be without my income for 6 months before my first disability check comes. I still have the allowance of making a little bit of money every month, so I will likely get a job doing something once the world opens back up again. Maybe. I'll definitely have time to do more of my sign classes and I've got some other fun and crafty things on the horizon too.

It's really weird being home all the time. Literally, ALL.THE.TIME. with nowhere to go.
I've made a lot of dinners for the family.
I've done a lot of laundry-sheets, blankets, pillow covers, curtains, all the stuff that doesn't get washed as often as it should.
I've made a few signs.
I've burned a bunch of wood in the firepit and cleaned up our back patio (sorry to my backyard neighbors for the eyesore our wood pile had become)
I supervised my husband planting two new trees.
I helped weed our landscaping beds and pull dandelions and dead bushes.
I've taken several walks around our neighborhood-some with Ethan, some with Hailey and the dog, some by myself at night to think.
I burned some more shit.
I (and the kids) cleaned up the storage area of the basement that holds our holiday deco, now we just have the other half to do which is full of stuff from the boutique.
I celebrated a birthday-number 49 yay-and zoomed with family for it.
I've done a lot of online shopping-A LOT-so much so that after six packages came today I'm pretty sure my husband has hid my debit card from me.
I've drank a lot of wine and even decided to become a wine seller of clean-crafted wines. Watch my FB page for more info on tastings soon-even virtual ones!
I've downloaded a dozen books to my kindle I'll start reading now that I've binged everything good (and not so good, and downright hot mess express) on Netflix, Hulu and Prime. Hell, I've even started re-watching Weeds and am pretty sure I'd make a good Nancy Botwin....
I'm really glad I don't have to homeschool anyone, because they would fail. It's hard enough with the bald kid when he shakes his head NO at me anytime I mention doing some class time online.
I've enjoyed being Mom and wife and yes, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms and making meals for those I love.
But if the world doesn't open back up soon I'm gonna go crazy up in here!

I need to see my friends and do our girl's night out dinners. And I need to get back to our Sunday Funday brewery tours with the Pruettings. I need to do Taco Wednesday at Hard Core with the fam. I need to be able to see my sisters and parents and not fear for anyone's health. I need to get my fork tattoo with my bestie. I need my cousin to be able to re-book that flight she had to cancel. And I need to enjoy a nice dinner out with my love. But I understand the need to take things slow. And I'll likely stay locked up for several weeks after everything opens back up. And that's my choice. In the meantime, it kind of feels like the movie Groundhog Day. If I don't make myself do something productive every day, I'll lay on the couch and channel surf.
Now that it's May I'm starting a healthy eating and moving regimen around here and nobody but Hailey and Ginger are happy about it. Yes, the boys are griping, but they'll get over it. We're gonna get healthy if it kills us. And being locked in the house together, it just might!

I started having some pain in my right hip a few weeks ago, and told Dr Nye about it at my last appointment. She ordered some imaging and it shows that I have new metastatic lesions on my right femoral head, as well as my lumbar spine in multiple areas-predominantly at L1 and L5. It's definitely not the news we wanted, but we'll deal with it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pissed to get that news. I had some moments of anger and frustration and sadness and why me? and why us? and why isn't the chemo working? But then I come back to why I quit working in the first place, to have time with my family.
Dr Nye is less concerned about the new lesions, and won't be until we get my next scan in June. My tumor marker is down to 39 whereas less than 38 is normal, so she thinks the areas may have already been there in January and are reacting to the chemo causing them to show up more clearly now. The pain in my right leg is intermittent, but when it's there it's a 2 morphine pills kind of pain. That kind of pain makes laying around all day easier to feel less guilty about. Please don't feel sorry for me, I'm not giving up. But an extra prayer that my June scans show no new disease and my tumor marker stays within normal range wouldn't hurt. And a prayer for my family-all my family. I know this is hard on them. And then open a bottle of wine or whiskey and drink a toast to happiness-and not to waste a day without it. And call or text or write your loved ones and tell them that you love and miss them. Life's too short. Way too short. Don't let it get away from you. I think this quarantine has helped a lot of people realize that and get back to the basics of family and togetherness, I know it's helped us.

I'm off to change into my 'nighttime jammies' now and go read a book to Ethan. It's supposed to be gorgeous here tomorrow and as long as my pain is taking a day off, I have big plans for the garage and yes, more firepit burning. Oh, and Stroud's for dinner. My sister face-timed me from NOLA the other day munching on some Gus' Chicken and I've craved fried chicken ever since. Speaking of NOLA-we've made plans for a trip down in September with our friends the Williams and it ought to be epic-every thing with them is! We are so looking forward to it. And now that I'm home full-time, I'm going to start writing the book I've always wanted to write. Will keep you all updated!

much love,
k

frangar, non flectar
"I will break, but I will not fold"