That's how I feel, and that's how my day was!
I slept fabulously last night, and woke up way less stiff than the last few days. Stiff and tight is really how I feel-not so much 'pain'. Everything around my chest and under my arms and from my back forward just feels tight. But today-not too bad!
My friend Tricia was at my door at 9:45 with one of her super cute little people and helped me change Ethan, get him dressed and get him ready for the day. The she carried him down the stairs for me.
By 10am my friend from work Kathi was at my door, and by 10:10 Dad was here to take Brian to his Dr appointment with his shoulder surgeon and be his driver/companion for the rest of the day.
So me and the girls it was! Tricia made me breakfast and lunch and Kathi re-taped up my drain bandages that were doing nothing but sticking to my shirt and they both made me laugh and smile-lots! My Mom showed up on her way to work with cookies, an electric razor, a cherry pie for Parker's Pi day at school tomorrow, and new SpongeBob CD Player for the bald kid so I can have my Bose system back in my room-and he can listen to his Taylor Swift every night! Kathi and Tricia both left around 3pm(ish) and then my evening shift came.
Jenn came first with a delicious unsweet tea with 2 lemons from QT and her mad crafting skills! Together we got my pink ribbon wreath almost done!!
My dinner delivery arrived along with a gorgeous blanket her daughters made me-thanks Wells family! I will post a picture tomorrow!
Then Michala-my night shift- arrived! Just as we were about to warm up dinner-we realized the dogs didn't have enough dog food to get through tonight and tomorrow, so a field trip we took!! I got to go someplace other than the hospital or home for the first time in 7 days-and it was to.......drumroll please...... Pet Smart! Woo-hoo and dressed in, you guessed it, my jammies! At least it wasn't Walmart-although I might have shown up on the 'People of Walmart' website had I gone there! Jenn drove and Michala buckled me in, and it was a fabulous field trip!
Dr Sheehan called me this afternoon-oncologist from the Cancer Center-to give me my pathology results. She is so nice! Mind you-these are read to me by a Dr-and they vary slightly from what the RN told me yesterday-so believe who you want-I believe Dr Sheehan.
Left Breast Negative (same info)
Right breast additional tumor of .9cm in size (she told me .6 yesterday-but really no big deal-still tiny!)
2 of 14 lymph nodes were positive (again-same info)
Lymph nodes were macrometastatic (I think this is where the RN freaked out-that word 'metastatic' means it has spread-thus the freaky behavior-I'm guessing)
BUT in this case all that means to me is...nothing! Had Dr Failing NOT taken out all my axillary lymph nodes, it would have been concerning, and we would be scheduling me to have that done ASAP. It sometimes also means Radiation Therapy at the end of Chemotherapy just to zap those last few possible remaining cancer cells in the axilla to help stop any recurrence there. She said that is not something I will probably need though. But no promises yet. And I'm ok with that-step by step.
So basically I'm Stage IIB. Not too shabby, and pretty much where we thought I would be!
So it looks like chemo in my near future. Dr Sheehan said they will call me next week to set up an appointment 2-3 weeks from now to give me all my education on the chemo drugs I will get, and the other drugs available to help counteract any side effects. This is like a learning appointment, and I will have oodles and oodles of info from it. My chemo regimen, she thinks, will be every 2 weeks for 8 cycles- so for a total of about 16 weeks. If any Radiation treatments are needed-we will know then.
I should then start on Tamoxifen-an oral chemo and take it for 5 years. This is her best 'guestimate' but a true plan will be decided in a couple of weeks.
In the meantime I am supposed to rest and heal. My drains and staples will come out, umm, sometime, and then I can get scheduled to have my port placed. As soon as that is done, chemo can start.
Brian's Dr's appointment you ask??? Umm, in that blasted sling for 4 more weeks! His repair was more severe than originally thought. So continue sling, PT and rest and heal. Hmmmm, heard that somewhere before??? He asked about driving-and though they said they can't release him to drive, they also know they can't stop him. But as long as he's on pain meds-no driving. And he's still on pain meds-and definitely on PT days!
So all in all, an awesome day with awesome news and awesome friends and family!
A funny story for you so you can have this lovely mental image in your head for the rest of the day/night:
I really needed a 'bath' last night and my hair washed. Since I waited until 11pm to do this, Brian was my help. Picture me, on all fours like a dog, in the jacuzzi tub, head under the faucet with my husband on his knees, with one free arm and one in a sling, pouring cups of water over my head and trying to shampoo my hair. He did a darn good job-as funny as I'm sure we looked, and then he combed my hair out while I soaked in waist deep warm water holding my drains up around my chest! We tried shaving my legs-but not such a good combo of handicaps here-and I think I'll use my new electric razor tomorrow!
I think we did a pretty good job, and if I ever questioned it before-I now know how much my husband loves me!
Thank you everyone for spending time with me today-and thank your families for letting me have your time!
You're all awesome!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I'm sorry MY cancer makes YOU uncomfortable....
Really? And I'm trying hard not to be a bitch about this-or throw the "I'm the one with cancer" line out there. But this is getting downright ridiculous!
Told to call office on Tuesday and ask for Dr Failing's nurse for her to give me Pathology results.
OK-call on Tuesday-no results.
Call today and yes-prelim and final results are back. But she will have to check with one of the other doctors in the group before she can read them to me. Fine-here's my call back number.
She calls back and here's what I get:
Left side breast is completely negative
Right side breast found an additional tumor of .6 cm in size
Two of fourteen lymph nodes were positive.
Then she stops.
So I say-ok, I knew about the lymph nodes-he told me after surgery that on touch prep two of the three they tested were already positive.
I swear she let out a sigh of relief. Ok-I get that-she didn't want to tell me about something I didn't already know-but then again-isn't that her job-or would Dr Failing have made sure I spoke to a Dr instead of a nurse???
Then I ask about what stage it was.
And she answers with
" Well, that's not something I'm comfortable telling you".
REALLY? YOU aren't comfortable telling me about MY CANCER????
Immediately I'm consoling her! I feel bad for her. Poor nurse.
So she thanks me and tells me I will find everything out in detail NEXT WEDNESDAY at my follow up appointment with Dr Failing.
Now all the secrecy leads me to believe that the results are bad, and if they aren't-how am I supposed to think otherwise at this point???
Well, I sure hope Nicki the Nurse can at least feel comfortable and get some sleep for the next week......not sure I will.
Told to call office on Tuesday and ask for Dr Failing's nurse for her to give me Pathology results.
OK-call on Tuesday-no results.
Call today and yes-prelim and final results are back. But she will have to check with one of the other doctors in the group before she can read them to me. Fine-here's my call back number.
She calls back and here's what I get:
Left side breast is completely negative
Right side breast found an additional tumor of .6 cm in size
Two of fourteen lymph nodes were positive.
Then she stops.
So I say-ok, I knew about the lymph nodes-he told me after surgery that on touch prep two of the three they tested were already positive.
I swear she let out a sigh of relief. Ok-I get that-she didn't want to tell me about something I didn't already know-but then again-isn't that her job-or would Dr Failing have made sure I spoke to a Dr instead of a nurse???
Then I ask about what stage it was.
And she answers with
" Well, that's not something I'm comfortable telling you".
REALLY? YOU aren't comfortable telling me about MY CANCER????
Immediately I'm consoling her! I feel bad for her. Poor nurse.
So she thanks me and tells me I will find everything out in detail NEXT WEDNESDAY at my follow up appointment with Dr Failing.
Now all the secrecy leads me to believe that the results are bad, and if they aren't-how am I supposed to think otherwise at this point???
Well, I sure hope Nicki the Nurse can at least feel comfortable and get some sleep for the next week......not sure I will.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Everyone's finally home!
It's day 4 post-op for me, and I think I'm doing pretty well. A few tears, a few angry words of frustration, a rash, some pain, a little miscommunication, and finally today the bald kid came home too! He was admitted after a looooong night in the ER Friday night and was found to have a staph infection. The big worry was that it was bacterial-and in his blood stream, which would be really, really bad with his donor valve. A bloodstream infection like that would go straight to that valve and be bad news. Fortunately (holy cow-luck?) it was only Staph Epi-or a skin staph infection. Wooo-hoo! Still means high dose antibiotic-and of course only comes in brand-for a mere $50! And along with that a raw, little, red baboon behind for a while. The good thing is-he only seems to fuss when the med upsets his tummy and then he poops right away and screams til he's changed. Bad thing is-he does that 5-7 times a day!
It was nice to have him home today, though I can't hold him when he cries, or rock him on my lap, or hardly even lay down beside him, it is still very nice to have him back under the same roof! And a huge thanks to my sister Kate and my Dad who shared staying down with him at the hospital overnight. Apparently Ethan was not into sleeping too much the last two nights and my Dad learned real quick what Fentanyl is and when to ask for it! And aside from Nutrition sticking their nose in his chart and demanding his feeds be increased significantly(which we did NOT, and WILL NOT do while he is having a separate issue-one thing to deal with at a time folks) and the Pharmacist refusing to approve his home Immunogbulin Infusion to be given last night, so he missed this week (makes me furious, especially when it's all sealed up in the maufacturer's packing with an order attached to it!) and the residents 'accidentally' stopped an antibiotic they weren't supposed to, and he missed three doses before my Step Mom (a pharmacist!) caught it and called them on it! I think his stay was ok-at least I didn't have to drive my invalid self down there and go off like a drug induced crazy woman-not that I didn't think about it once or twice. I think my family sugar-coated everything for me anyway so I wouldn't be too tempted to do just that. For that, I love them all!
And a huge thanks to my Mom who stayed at our house on Friday and Saturday night and made chili dogs and did laundry and dishes, and took care of Parker and the dogs and made sure I came home to no stress! By her doing that it allowed Brian to stay with me at the hospital-which was nice for me, and I think helped him too. I know he feels helpless right now, and I did have a little pity party for myself at one point and told him to go away. He knows and loves me though and walked away from me for a minute until I had gathered my senses back to normal and was ready for his help.
And my sister Kim was a life saver the last two nights, being here, giving me my meds on time, making me breakfast and making me eat it, making me drink lots of fluid and reminding me to rest. I love you and are glad you could stay. I needed you these last two days and am so glad you were here.
Sunday evening was good, until I took my oral pain meds. Did I mention that I was on my pain med pump until the absolute last minute in the hospital and actually pushed the button not ten seconds before the nurse pulled my IV? So, since I was never given a chance to see if oral meds would work for my pain control while still in the hospital, my first dose on Sunday I had an allergic reaction to-rash all over my neck and up my chin and down my chest. It can't be the med-I've taken it before-or something so similar it shouldn't matter. But it did. Call office next day anyway to schedule having my drains pulled and staples taken out on Friday as Dr Failing instructed not only me, but my husband, my mom, my Dad and step-mom and anyone else who was there to hear it to do, only to be told they won't do it that early-not before 14 days and since Dr Failing is out of town-and he left no orders, no staples being pulled. His reason for this, as he explained to me, Brian, my Mom, Dad and Teresa is that longer than a week will leave staple mark scars, and he did not want that to happen. Guess someone else can pay my plastics bill next year to have that fixed then. AND when I told the nurse about my reaction to the pain meds-the other Dr she asked called in basically the same damn drug. So, to appease everyone, I took it, and lo and behold-allergic reaction-rash on neck and chest and up on chin and face. By this time I'm an itchy mess, sleepy as heck from all the Benadryl I'm taking and slightly irritated.
Call office again, and I'm asked what MY suggestions are for another pain med then???
Seriously???? I'm the patient, and I know I'm smart and amazing and all, but I have no f##*#*g clue. So, I throw the name of a drug out there that someone suggests-Toradol. NO-Dr Tripses WILL NOT PRESCRIBE TORADOL. Well, WTF then??? If I have to go to the ER for pain relief, I'm sending my $200 co-pay bill to your office. FINALLY at 2pm this afternoon-after having nothing but Tylenol and Ibuprofen for 24 hours the nurse calls to tell me Dr Wittek wrote a script for me for Dilaudid and I can pick it up. Thank goodness! Amazing how one 4mg Dilaudid made me feel so much better and no rash!!
And as far as discharge instructions and limitations go, I was told not to vaccuum, and not to shower. That's it.
Can I raise my arms over my head?
Can I lift anything?
Can I drive?
Can I skydive?
amazing-nobody seems to know anything?!!?
And to top it all off? I got a bill today for the BRCA testing for $3400! Good thing I saved my 'approval' letter from the insurance company. While talking to the insurance gal she kept wanting to 'check on this further and call me back' No thanks sister, I got allllll day to sit here on hold for you-you are NOT getting off this phone call with me til I get some answers why I'm now being billed.
Yep-mistake on their part. Will get that handled right away and resubmit for payment. Good thing I have a little experience with insurance bs. Clearly gonna need it now more than ever!
Still no path results though, lots of tissue to go through. They will do path on both breasts, and all 25 lymph nodes he took out of my right axilla. I have to call the office on Thursday to give them the amounts of fluid from my drains to see if they are ready to pull on Friday or not-so I'm hoping the results will be back then, and we will know the stage I'm at.
Otherwise, all is well, and we are hanging out at the house, and being taken care of nicely by all the wonderful family and friends we have. We have had amazing support from everyone and are appreciative beyond words!
The meals have been fabulous and so helpful.
The rides for Brian and the kids a life saver.
The nice emails, cards and gifts...make my heart warm.
Thank you all!
It was nice to have him home today, though I can't hold him when he cries, or rock him on my lap, or hardly even lay down beside him, it is still very nice to have him back under the same roof! And a huge thanks to my sister Kate and my Dad who shared staying down with him at the hospital overnight. Apparently Ethan was not into sleeping too much the last two nights and my Dad learned real quick what Fentanyl is and when to ask for it! And aside from Nutrition sticking their nose in his chart and demanding his feeds be increased significantly(which we did NOT, and WILL NOT do while he is having a separate issue-one thing to deal with at a time folks) and the Pharmacist refusing to approve his home Immunogbulin Infusion to be given last night, so he missed this week (makes me furious, especially when it's all sealed up in the maufacturer's packing with an order attached to it!) and the residents 'accidentally' stopped an antibiotic they weren't supposed to, and he missed three doses before my Step Mom (a pharmacist!) caught it and called them on it! I think his stay was ok-at least I didn't have to drive my invalid self down there and go off like a drug induced crazy woman-not that I didn't think about it once or twice. I think my family sugar-coated everything for me anyway so I wouldn't be too tempted to do just that. For that, I love them all!
And a huge thanks to my Mom who stayed at our house on Friday and Saturday night and made chili dogs and did laundry and dishes, and took care of Parker and the dogs and made sure I came home to no stress! By her doing that it allowed Brian to stay with me at the hospital-which was nice for me, and I think helped him too. I know he feels helpless right now, and I did have a little pity party for myself at one point and told him to go away. He knows and loves me though and walked away from me for a minute until I had gathered my senses back to normal and was ready for his help.
And my sister Kim was a life saver the last two nights, being here, giving me my meds on time, making me breakfast and making me eat it, making me drink lots of fluid and reminding me to rest. I love you and are glad you could stay. I needed you these last two days and am so glad you were here.
Sunday evening was good, until I took my oral pain meds. Did I mention that I was on my pain med pump until the absolute last minute in the hospital and actually pushed the button not ten seconds before the nurse pulled my IV? So, since I was never given a chance to see if oral meds would work for my pain control while still in the hospital, my first dose on Sunday I had an allergic reaction to-rash all over my neck and up my chin and down my chest. It can't be the med-I've taken it before-or something so similar it shouldn't matter. But it did. Call office next day anyway to schedule having my drains pulled and staples taken out on Friday as Dr Failing instructed not only me, but my husband, my mom, my Dad and step-mom and anyone else who was there to hear it to do, only to be told they won't do it that early-not before 14 days and since Dr Failing is out of town-and he left no orders, no staples being pulled. His reason for this, as he explained to me, Brian, my Mom, Dad and Teresa is that longer than a week will leave staple mark scars, and he did not want that to happen. Guess someone else can pay my plastics bill next year to have that fixed then. AND when I told the nurse about my reaction to the pain meds-the other Dr she asked called in basically the same damn drug. So, to appease everyone, I took it, and lo and behold-allergic reaction-rash on neck and chest and up on chin and face. By this time I'm an itchy mess, sleepy as heck from all the Benadryl I'm taking and slightly irritated.
Call office again, and I'm asked what MY suggestions are for another pain med then???
Seriously???? I'm the patient, and I know I'm smart and amazing and all, but I have no f##*#*g clue. So, I throw the name of a drug out there that someone suggests-Toradol. NO-Dr Tripses WILL NOT PRESCRIBE TORADOL. Well, WTF then??? If I have to go to the ER for pain relief, I'm sending my $200 co-pay bill to your office. FINALLY at 2pm this afternoon-after having nothing but Tylenol and Ibuprofen for 24 hours the nurse calls to tell me Dr Wittek wrote a script for me for Dilaudid and I can pick it up. Thank goodness! Amazing how one 4mg Dilaudid made me feel so much better and no rash!!
And as far as discharge instructions and limitations go, I was told not to vaccuum, and not to shower. That's it.
Can I raise my arms over my head?
Can I lift anything?
Can I drive?
Can I skydive?
amazing-nobody seems to know anything?!!?
And to top it all off? I got a bill today for the BRCA testing for $3400! Good thing I saved my 'approval' letter from the insurance company. While talking to the insurance gal she kept wanting to 'check on this further and call me back' No thanks sister, I got allllll day to sit here on hold for you-you are NOT getting off this phone call with me til I get some answers why I'm now being billed.
Yep-mistake on their part. Will get that handled right away and resubmit for payment. Good thing I have a little experience with insurance bs. Clearly gonna need it now more than ever!
Still no path results though, lots of tissue to go through. They will do path on both breasts, and all 25 lymph nodes he took out of my right axilla. I have to call the office on Thursday to give them the amounts of fluid from my drains to see if they are ready to pull on Friday or not-so I'm hoping the results will be back then, and we will know the stage I'm at.
Otherwise, all is well, and we are hanging out at the house, and being taken care of nicely by all the wonderful family and friends we have. We have had amazing support from everyone and are appreciative beyond words!
The meals have been fabulous and so helpful.
The rides for Brian and the kids a life saver.
The nice emails, cards and gifts...make my heart warm.
Thank you all!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Day Two
Had a pretty good day today, compared to a crappy last night. I just couldn't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time last night because I was sleeping sitting up, and I'm a side sleeper. Had to pee about 4am, and they brought in a bed pan-nooo, then a potty chair-noooo, so up I got and walked to the bathroom. Being up felt sooooo goooood. And once I was up walking around-my calf squeezer's got to come off!
Dr Wittek-one of Dr Failing's partners, came by this morning, and looked at my drains-3 in all-and the bandages over my incisions and said they all look great. My incisions are closed with staples, to help with nicer scarring, and because of those and the drains-no shower til they both come out-which will be on Friday. But since I can't raise my arms up over my head, not being able to shower and wash my hair doesn't really matter. Now I need volunteers to come over and help me do that this week, cause you should have seen me with my 3 drains, IV pole and unable to bend over forward and Brian with his one arm trying to get my pajama pants on me this morning! Quite a sight we were!
I'm doing pretty well, still on my pain pump, but will get switched over to oral pain meds tomorrow to go home. Brian is doing better every day, I just feel so bad for him, with his one arm, he tries to help me with everything and can't. He slept in a reclincer in my room last night, and though he's been sleeping upright for 10 days, last night was kinda rough on him. I told him to go home tonight and get some sleep, but he's kinda stubborn like me, and loves me just a little-so he's here!
Ethan is still at the Mercy. He has some type of blood infection-possibly staph-because his blood cultures are already showing gram positive at 24 hour prelim. My sisters Kate and Kim were down there last night, and my Dad and Teresa most of today. Kate is staying again tonight, and my Dad is staying tomorrow night. Ethan is still spiking fevers, and they want to hold off on Tylenol and Ibuprofen to see how high he goes now that they know he has some type of infection brewing. They are starting him on some oxy for the pain he's in. What really sucks, is that as long as he's got something like Staph-I can't even go down and see him, because I can't afford to get any type of infection right now. My heart is breaking.
Hailey had a volleyball tourney in Topeka today-and they took 3rd! Woo-hoo girls! Awesome job! She was a bit overwhelmed yesterday with me being here, Ethan getting sick and Brian being incapacitated, and her emotions got the best of her for a little while. Thank you Carissa for letting her cry on your shoulder! She thought about staying home from her tourney today-but we all encouraged her to go-that she needed to go and keep a normal routine as possible, and I'm sure she is glad now that she did! Thanks Janning family for taking care of getting her there-and all her VB family for taking care of her while there!
Parker had some mixed emotions last night and today too, he just isn't quite sure what all is going on, and felt terrible about Ethan being sick. He went with Trevor and the boys today to basketball games and to hang out, and I know that helped. He then came down and saw me for a while and we had some good bonding time. Phil took him to his basketball game tonight-which they lost-but he scored two baskets! Dammit-of course at the game I'm not at! Thanks Phil for taking him and watching his game!
Thanks to all my visitors last night and today! Thanks Lindsey and Brad for the flowers-they are gorgeous. And my KCPDFF girls for the Cup O' Courage-love it! Jeanne-my girl from the hospital gift shop-I love the soft puppy and balloon! Rachel-you know the way to my heart with the candy bouquets! Heather-the plaques make me smile and I know exactly where they are going in my house. Colette-thanks for the latest smut mags and M&M's-and the pink rose bush smells fabulous in my hospital room-can't wait to get it home and planted! Andrea and Troy-thanks for the choco shake-it hit the spot and thanks Andi for combing my hair and making it 'pretty'-HA!! Thank you Tricia for coming by-I got you on my schedule this week for sure. And a big thanks to Beckie and Steve for coming by to visit and making me laugh!
Mom and Parker are headed down to see the bald kid tonight for a while, and Brian and I are laughing our butts off watching "The Bad Teacher" -hilarious! Cameron Diaz is even more funny while I'm on Dilaudid! I figured out how to get on my side to sleep tonight, so I'm hoping for some better zzzz's. Oh, and I have a fabulous night nurse. Funny how my day nurse never measured my urine, checked my drains, listened to my heart or lungs, checked my pulses or cap refill or anything, and that's the first thing my night one did????? And don't even ask about the fake poly-fill boob camisole she brought me in today that is absolutely terrible looking and even worse fitting. I am sooooo designing some new products for post-mastectomy patients. As if having no boobs isn't bad enough-this thing they want me to put on one day post-op would damn near make me suicidal! Oh, that and what the Nurse Navigator said to me 30 minutes before my surgery that was compeletely inappropriate. I'm hoping that maybe once I'm not medicated I can tell someone just how inappropriate it was, but not sure I would sound too credible right now slurring my words. I'm just hoping my day nurse tomorrow gets it together enough to care about sending me home with the proper info on my drains and what not, or I'll be staying til someone does.....
enough bitching, time to hit my magic button!
Dr Wittek-one of Dr Failing's partners, came by this morning, and looked at my drains-3 in all-and the bandages over my incisions and said they all look great. My incisions are closed with staples, to help with nicer scarring, and because of those and the drains-no shower til they both come out-which will be on Friday. But since I can't raise my arms up over my head, not being able to shower and wash my hair doesn't really matter. Now I need volunteers to come over and help me do that this week, cause you should have seen me with my 3 drains, IV pole and unable to bend over forward and Brian with his one arm trying to get my pajama pants on me this morning! Quite a sight we were!
I'm doing pretty well, still on my pain pump, but will get switched over to oral pain meds tomorrow to go home. Brian is doing better every day, I just feel so bad for him, with his one arm, he tries to help me with everything and can't. He slept in a reclincer in my room last night, and though he's been sleeping upright for 10 days, last night was kinda rough on him. I told him to go home tonight and get some sleep, but he's kinda stubborn like me, and loves me just a little-so he's here!
Ethan is still at the Mercy. He has some type of blood infection-possibly staph-because his blood cultures are already showing gram positive at 24 hour prelim. My sisters Kate and Kim were down there last night, and my Dad and Teresa most of today. Kate is staying again tonight, and my Dad is staying tomorrow night. Ethan is still spiking fevers, and they want to hold off on Tylenol and Ibuprofen to see how high he goes now that they know he has some type of infection brewing. They are starting him on some oxy for the pain he's in. What really sucks, is that as long as he's got something like Staph-I can't even go down and see him, because I can't afford to get any type of infection right now. My heart is breaking.
Hailey had a volleyball tourney in Topeka today-and they took 3rd! Woo-hoo girls! Awesome job! She was a bit overwhelmed yesterday with me being here, Ethan getting sick and Brian being incapacitated, and her emotions got the best of her for a little while. Thank you Carissa for letting her cry on your shoulder! She thought about staying home from her tourney today-but we all encouraged her to go-that she needed to go and keep a normal routine as possible, and I'm sure she is glad now that she did! Thanks Janning family for taking care of getting her there-and all her VB family for taking care of her while there!
Parker had some mixed emotions last night and today too, he just isn't quite sure what all is going on, and felt terrible about Ethan being sick. He went with Trevor and the boys today to basketball games and to hang out, and I know that helped. He then came down and saw me for a while and we had some good bonding time. Phil took him to his basketball game tonight-which they lost-but he scored two baskets! Dammit-of course at the game I'm not at! Thanks Phil for taking him and watching his game!
Thanks to all my visitors last night and today! Thanks Lindsey and Brad for the flowers-they are gorgeous. And my KCPDFF girls for the Cup O' Courage-love it! Jeanne-my girl from the hospital gift shop-I love the soft puppy and balloon! Rachel-you know the way to my heart with the candy bouquets! Heather-the plaques make me smile and I know exactly where they are going in my house. Colette-thanks for the latest smut mags and M&M's-and the pink rose bush smells fabulous in my hospital room-can't wait to get it home and planted! Andrea and Troy-thanks for the choco shake-it hit the spot and thanks Andi for combing my hair and making it 'pretty'-HA!! Thank you Tricia for coming by-I got you on my schedule this week for sure. And a big thanks to Beckie and Steve for coming by to visit and making me laugh!
Mom and Parker are headed down to see the bald kid tonight for a while, and Brian and I are laughing our butts off watching "The Bad Teacher" -hilarious! Cameron Diaz is even more funny while I'm on Dilaudid! I figured out how to get on my side to sleep tonight, so I'm hoping for some better zzzz's. Oh, and I have a fabulous night nurse. Funny how my day nurse never measured my urine, checked my drains, listened to my heart or lungs, checked my pulses or cap refill or anything, and that's the first thing my night one did????? And don't even ask about the fake poly-fill boob camisole she brought me in today that is absolutely terrible looking and even worse fitting. I am sooooo designing some new products for post-mastectomy patients. As if having no boobs isn't bad enough-this thing they want me to put on one day post-op would damn near make me suicidal! Oh, that and what the Nurse Navigator said to me 30 minutes before my surgery that was compeletely inappropriate. I'm hoping that maybe once I'm not medicated I can tell someone just how inappropriate it was, but not sure I would sound too credible right now slurring my words. I'm just hoping my day nurse tomorrow gets it together enough to care about sending me home with the proper info on my drains and what not, or I'll be staying til someone does.....
enough bitching, time to hit my magic button!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Round One done!
This is Kari, so be warned there may be some Dilaudid induced typos! I'm in Room 533, got up here about 8pm-I think?!?!?
First things first-a huge thanks to all of my cheering section. I love you all and loved waking up this morning to such encouraging messages. Just makes my determination to kick this even stronger!
Now for what you all want to know-lymph nodes on the right were positive. So it looks like chemo is in my near future. We will know more when the complete pathology comes back around Tuesday. He biopsied three, and two were positive. Kind of what we already thought anyway-but again-will know the full deal in a few days. On a positive note-I get to stay a whole two days now!! Woo-hoo!
Was scheduled for a port placement too, but Dr Failing was unable to get it in, so I will be visiting Radiology sometime in the next couple of weeks to get that done. I know a few people there-so I'm thinking arranging that won't be too hard! Speaking of Radiology-my department and co-workers are awesome! Many of them were sporting pink ribbons on their name badges today in my honor, and the CT folks got some 'fight like a girl' pink bracelets to wear. Surgery actually let me wear mine in the OR! And to the Radiologists-thank you all so very much for the generous gift! It was very, very thoughtful! Dr Feiock-thanks for all your help and for doing the Sentinel Node injection for me today. I greatly appreciate how wonderful Dr Feiock has been since the start of this crazy journey for me, and all his kindness and thoroughness, and lido w/epi.....
Everyone in my department for that matter! You all put the R in Rad! (Literally!)
I'm so funny-and high right now!
Now-in truer than true Rawley fashion......Ethan is being admitted to Children's Mercy right now. He came home from school with a low grade fever-no big deal, but by 4pm it was 103. My sister Kate and Hailey took him to Mercy North, and he was transported from up north to downtown by ambulance. He has a red, hot to the touch leg, and so they think it's cellulitis. He's getting some high dose antibiotic right now-Vancomycin and Rocephin and were getting ready to do a doppler when I talked to Kate last. If I can ask a huge favor-I really don't want him alone at all, and clearly I'm not going anywhere, and Brian can't drive. Between my sisters and Teresa and Dad I know they are going to be there with him, and my Mom is staying at our house with Parker- but if anyone can spare some time to swing by and give them a break and him a hug I would be especially grateful!!
And another favor to ask-will someone please hunt down the evil person has has the voo-doo dolls of my family and bring them to me???? Don't burn them, or throw them away-just bring them to me so I can put them in a nice, safe location.......argh!!!!
Getting ready to hit my button and go to la-la land. Will update tomorrow!
thanks again everyone!
k
First things first-a huge thanks to all of my cheering section. I love you all and loved waking up this morning to such encouraging messages. Just makes my determination to kick this even stronger!
Now for what you all want to know-lymph nodes on the right were positive. So it looks like chemo is in my near future. We will know more when the complete pathology comes back around Tuesday. He biopsied three, and two were positive. Kind of what we already thought anyway-but again-will know the full deal in a few days. On a positive note-I get to stay a whole two days now!! Woo-hoo!
Was scheduled for a port placement too, but Dr Failing was unable to get it in, so I will be visiting Radiology sometime in the next couple of weeks to get that done. I know a few people there-so I'm thinking arranging that won't be too hard! Speaking of Radiology-my department and co-workers are awesome! Many of them were sporting pink ribbons on their name badges today in my honor, and the CT folks got some 'fight like a girl' pink bracelets to wear. Surgery actually let me wear mine in the OR! And to the Radiologists-thank you all so very much for the generous gift! It was very, very thoughtful! Dr Feiock-thanks for all your help and for doing the Sentinel Node injection for me today. I greatly appreciate how wonderful Dr Feiock has been since the start of this crazy journey for me, and all his kindness and thoroughness, and lido w/epi.....
Everyone in my department for that matter! You all put the R in Rad! (Literally!)
I'm so funny-and high right now!
Now-in truer than true Rawley fashion......Ethan is being admitted to Children's Mercy right now. He came home from school with a low grade fever-no big deal, but by 4pm it was 103. My sister Kate and Hailey took him to Mercy North, and he was transported from up north to downtown by ambulance. He has a red, hot to the touch leg, and so they think it's cellulitis. He's getting some high dose antibiotic right now-Vancomycin and Rocephin and were getting ready to do a doppler when I talked to Kate last. If I can ask a huge favor-I really don't want him alone at all, and clearly I'm not going anywhere, and Brian can't drive. Between my sisters and Teresa and Dad I know they are going to be there with him, and my Mom is staying at our house with Parker- but if anyone can spare some time to swing by and give them a break and him a hug I would be especially grateful!!
And another favor to ask-will someone please hunt down the evil person has has the voo-doo dolls of my family and bring them to me???? Don't burn them, or throw them away-just bring them to me so I can put them in a nice, safe location.......argh!!!!
Getting ready to hit my button and go to la-la land. Will update tomorrow!
thanks again everyone!
k
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Let's do this!
Tomorrow is the big day. I'm getting ready for bed, gonna shower with my Hibiclens, shave, paint my toenails(don't kid yourself-you all did this before babies, surgery, etc.) pry off the toe ring I've had on for 12 years and the diamond studs from my kids that stay in my ears always and forever, put away my wedding ring and the necklace of my husband's badge that is never not around my neck, then climb into bed with my husband-and probably not be able to sleep.
But wait-it's too early to go to bed at 10pm, I get to eat and drink until midnight, and I am NOT giving up a big glass of tea at 11:59pm cause I know I'm gonna wake up terribly thirsty in the morning. Or at 3am, and because I know I can't have anything to drink, I'll be parched!
We stayed busy today though, and I only slept for 5 hours after I got off work this morning, so sleep should come pretty easy.
My appointment with Dr Sheehan was filled with wonderful news-my BRCA gene testing is negative! Rock on! This is great, fantastic, fabulous news. BRCA1 and BRCA2 are the genes that if carry a mutation can 'pre-dispose' a person to breast, ovarian and sometimes even colon cancer. So what that basically means since mine was negative is that I'm just one of the lucky ones who got breast cancer by random selection of suckiness-not because of some mutant gene. (it really means a lot more than that-but abridged version for now) There is still some research to do on it as far as my Mom is concerned-as she could be a carrier-but we know that even if she is, I didn't inherit the gene, therefore neither will Hailey! Can I get a whoo-hoo here??? WHOO-HOO!!
I want to again thank all the wonderful people in my life, the gifts and cards have been showing up on my doorstep and in my mailbox all week. They are amazing and each one is very special to me. The words written to me make my heart warm, it's hard for me to swallow as I read each facebook post, card and email-are those nice things they are saying really about me?? I am blessed, blessed, blessed, and very humbled.
I have to arrive at the hospital at 10:15 for a surgery time of 1:15pm. My crazy, dear friend Shannon that I work with and one of my Radiologists explained to me how the Sentinel Node Biospy takes place-kinda weird-will explain later. And the Radiologist who did my initial biopsy-Dr Feiock has agreed to do it since he and my boob already have a rapport going. And like one of the other Rads said-'they all don't need to see my titties'!! Then I'm gonna happily take my sleepy drugs and off we will go! (and off they will go!)
Brian or my Mom or my friends Andrea or Carissa will update on fb-but just the basics-in surgery, done, doing well, in recovery, etc. Since I will be out of it for a while, there will be no other info other than that shared until I wake up and hear it myself. Once I have processed it, I will share it with all of you myself, and in my own words. Thank you for respecting and understanding that.
Someone will also post where my room is, and you are welcome to come visit-however I will warn you that I really, really like anesthesia and last time called my husband 'Brindy' afterwards and fell asleep sitting up straight with a hot tea in my hand....but feel free to come by.
However, if you're one of those who thinks you might look at me and cry-stay home. I know myself very well, and in knowing that, I know the hardest thing for me is going to be taking the first look at my chest after surgery. I am tearing up right now writing about it. So, if you are one of those people-and I know some of you are-I love you, I respect you, and I think no less of you-just don't come up to my room and look at me with pity and cry. Email me.
and you bitches in CT-chocolate shake. Seasons. that's all I'm sayin.
k
But wait-it's too early to go to bed at 10pm, I get to eat and drink until midnight, and I am NOT giving up a big glass of tea at 11:59pm cause I know I'm gonna wake up terribly thirsty in the morning. Or at 3am, and because I know I can't have anything to drink, I'll be parched!
We stayed busy today though, and I only slept for 5 hours after I got off work this morning, so sleep should come pretty easy.
My appointment with Dr Sheehan was filled with wonderful news-my BRCA gene testing is negative! Rock on! This is great, fantastic, fabulous news. BRCA1 and BRCA2 are the genes that if carry a mutation can 'pre-dispose' a person to breast, ovarian and sometimes even colon cancer. So what that basically means since mine was negative is that I'm just one of the lucky ones who got breast cancer by random selection of suckiness-not because of some mutant gene. (it really means a lot more than that-but abridged version for now) There is still some research to do on it as far as my Mom is concerned-as she could be a carrier-but we know that even if she is, I didn't inherit the gene, therefore neither will Hailey! Can I get a whoo-hoo here??? WHOO-HOO!!
I want to again thank all the wonderful people in my life, the gifts and cards have been showing up on my doorstep and in my mailbox all week. They are amazing and each one is very special to me. The words written to me make my heart warm, it's hard for me to swallow as I read each facebook post, card and email-are those nice things they are saying really about me?? I am blessed, blessed, blessed, and very humbled.
I have to arrive at the hospital at 10:15 for a surgery time of 1:15pm. My crazy, dear friend Shannon that I work with and one of my Radiologists explained to me how the Sentinel Node Biospy takes place-kinda weird-will explain later. And the Radiologist who did my initial biopsy-Dr Feiock has agreed to do it since he and my boob already have a rapport going. And like one of the other Rads said-'they all don't need to see my titties'!! Then I'm gonna happily take my sleepy drugs and off we will go! (and off they will go!)
Brian or my Mom or my friends Andrea or Carissa will update on fb-but just the basics-in surgery, done, doing well, in recovery, etc. Since I will be out of it for a while, there will be no other info other than that shared until I wake up and hear it myself. Once I have processed it, I will share it with all of you myself, and in my own words. Thank you for respecting and understanding that.
Someone will also post where my room is, and you are welcome to come visit-however I will warn you that I really, really like anesthesia and last time called my husband 'Brindy' afterwards and fell asleep sitting up straight with a hot tea in my hand....but feel free to come by.
However, if you're one of those who thinks you might look at me and cry-stay home. I know myself very well, and in knowing that, I know the hardest thing for me is going to be taking the first look at my chest after surgery. I am tearing up right now writing about it. So, if you are one of those people-and I know some of you are-I love you, I respect you, and I think no less of you-just don't come up to my room and look at me with pity and cry. Email me.
and you bitches in CT-chocolate shake. Seasons. that's all I'm sayin.
k
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I love my people
For those Grey's Anatomy fans out there-you will understand what this title means.
Christina is Mer's 'person'
Owen wants to be Christina's 'person'
Derek knows Mer is Christina's 'person'
I'm blessed and lucky that I don't just have a 'person', I have 'people'. Lots of 'people'.
And they are pretty ahhhhmazing!
GNO BBB was last Saturday, or otherwise known as Girl's Night Out Bye-Bye Boobies.
Party bus rented.
Houlihan's reserved.
Tables at Tanner's saved so we could dance to the Cherry Bombs Band.
30+ amazing women showed up to help celebrate me starting this journey of kicking this cancer's ass.
A night I needed. And not just me, my friends needed it too. My family needed it.
So many of these women I haven't seen in person since news of my diagnosis-and so many of them didn't know what to say, or how to say it. Well, they all said it fabulously. I am surrounded by people who love and support me, and will help me through this.
A night of laughter, pictures, dancing, drinks, more dancing, shots, hugs, lots of hugs, and even some tears. No doubt I wouldn't make it through the night without a tear or two.
And the thoughtful gifts-3 months of housecleaning, gas gift card, Jimmy John's gift card (tuna on wheat please-with the sprouts), pink jammies, slippers and pink fuzzy socks, a gorgeous pink bag filled with goodies like fingernail bling, and playing cards and hand lotion-and embroidered with the word "strength" on it, a pedicure with an awesome pink color, oh, and pink boxing gloves!
The offers of help at every turn-of which I promise I will let people help!! Pinky swear!!
A special thanks to Andrea Phillips and Michala Stoker for setting it up-I love you girls!!!
And for all of you who attended-I love you all so much, and am blessed to call you my friends-and family! New and old-it means the world to me that you came to support me.
Oh, and did I mention I went home with $147 in cash in my jeans pocket? Amazing how many dudes will shell out $20 to cop a feel on a chick about to lose both breasts. Hey, I can live with that! No ramen noodles in my house this week!
The surgery day is getting close-Friday morning is not too far off. The reality of everything is beginning to settle in. Though oddly enough, most would expect to be anxious, nervous, scared, unsure. And though I am all of those, I am mostly calm. Ready to get this started. To get this done, to put this bump in the road of my crazy life behind me.
I opened a letter from my insurance company on Saturday morning. An approval letter for my prophylactic left mastectomy. Those black typed words brought me to my knees. The tears streamed down my face while I was driving-yes, I opened and read my mail while driving-and with kids in the car-not 'Mom of the year' type behavior I know-but nonetheless-absolutely floored me.
To see the approval in black and white as if words on a menu, not caring, no feeling.
Just words, just an OK, a no big deal.
Not even a 'sorry-this sucks-but hey, good for you! We are happy to pay for your prophylactic surgery to help stop your cancer in it's tracks in your body.'
Just APPROVED.
Weird how that, of all things, made me cry.
And, like I said before, I had my hot mess crying episode. Fortunately I was at home, in bed, with my husband-before his surgery, watching Spartacus of all things. I think someone got their arm chopped off by a big sword, and as blood sprayed across the scene, I lost it. The mouth breathing, pitiful, can't catch your breath sobs were out before I could stop them. Not that I tried. My husband informed me he had been waiting for that moment, and I'm glad he was there.
Now the crying is done, and it's time to put on those pink boxing gloves and get warmed up. In the words of a great friend, and my personal trainer last year-time to GET IT!!
I see Dr Sheehan at the Cancer Center on Thursday, and should have the BRCA testing back, and maybe some more information. I will let you all know when I do.
Thanks again for being my people.
Christina is Mer's 'person'
Owen wants to be Christina's 'person'
Derek knows Mer is Christina's 'person'
I'm blessed and lucky that I don't just have a 'person', I have 'people'. Lots of 'people'.
And they are pretty ahhhhmazing!
GNO BBB was last Saturday, or otherwise known as Girl's Night Out Bye-Bye Boobies.
Party bus rented.
Houlihan's reserved.
Tables at Tanner's saved so we could dance to the Cherry Bombs Band.
30+ amazing women showed up to help celebrate me starting this journey of kicking this cancer's ass.
A night I needed. And not just me, my friends needed it too. My family needed it.
So many of these women I haven't seen in person since news of my diagnosis-and so many of them didn't know what to say, or how to say it. Well, they all said it fabulously. I am surrounded by people who love and support me, and will help me through this.
A night of laughter, pictures, dancing, drinks, more dancing, shots, hugs, lots of hugs, and even some tears. No doubt I wouldn't make it through the night without a tear or two.
And the thoughtful gifts-3 months of housecleaning, gas gift card, Jimmy John's gift card (tuna on wheat please-with the sprouts), pink jammies, slippers and pink fuzzy socks, a gorgeous pink bag filled with goodies like fingernail bling, and playing cards and hand lotion-and embroidered with the word "strength" on it, a pedicure with an awesome pink color, oh, and pink boxing gloves!
The offers of help at every turn-of which I promise I will let people help!! Pinky swear!!
A special thanks to Andrea Phillips and Michala Stoker for setting it up-I love you girls!!!
And for all of you who attended-I love you all so much, and am blessed to call you my friends-and family! New and old-it means the world to me that you came to support me.
Oh, and did I mention I went home with $147 in cash in my jeans pocket? Amazing how many dudes will shell out $20 to cop a feel on a chick about to lose both breasts. Hey, I can live with that! No ramen noodles in my house this week!
 |
| some pretty fabulous women in this picture!!! |
The surgery day is getting close-Friday morning is not too far off. The reality of everything is beginning to settle in. Though oddly enough, most would expect to be anxious, nervous, scared, unsure. And though I am all of those, I am mostly calm. Ready to get this started. To get this done, to put this bump in the road of my crazy life behind me.
I opened a letter from my insurance company on Saturday morning. An approval letter for my prophylactic left mastectomy. Those black typed words brought me to my knees. The tears streamed down my face while I was driving-yes, I opened and read my mail while driving-and with kids in the car-not 'Mom of the year' type behavior I know-but nonetheless-absolutely floored me.
To see the approval in black and white as if words on a menu, not caring, no feeling.
Just words, just an OK, a no big deal.
Not even a 'sorry-this sucks-but hey, good for you! We are happy to pay for your prophylactic surgery to help stop your cancer in it's tracks in your body.'
Just APPROVED.
Weird how that, of all things, made me cry.
And, like I said before, I had my hot mess crying episode. Fortunately I was at home, in bed, with my husband-before his surgery, watching Spartacus of all things. I think someone got their arm chopped off by a big sword, and as blood sprayed across the scene, I lost it. The mouth breathing, pitiful, can't catch your breath sobs were out before I could stop them. Not that I tried. My husband informed me he had been waiting for that moment, and I'm glad he was there.
Now the crying is done, and it's time to put on those pink boxing gloves and get warmed up. In the words of a great friend, and my personal trainer last year-time to GET IT!!
I see Dr Sheehan at the Cancer Center on Thursday, and should have the BRCA testing back, and maybe some more information. I will let you all know when I do.
Thanks again for being my people.
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