How can it be almost Christmas?

 

Has it really been that long since I wrote a post?  

Yep. Cause life happens and you sell your house in a day and then sell off a lot of your furniture and stuff and then have to find and move into a temporary apartment which means renting a storage unit and then getting a second one at 8pm on a Saturday night before the new owners take possession the next week and your husband retires a month earlier than originally planned and before you know  it it’s Thanksgiving. 

So yes, life has been crazy. 

We are currently living in a lovely 3 bedroom apartment that Parker will be staying in when we leave KC. He has 2 roommates ready to move in once we are gone!  It’s not been bad at all. Apartments today are not at all like what I lived in years ago; attached garage, nice washer and dryer in unit, granite countertops and walk-in closets.  A far stretch from my former home at Tanglewood. 

It looks like we are leaving KC mid January and headed to St Louis. We are taking a trip down the week before our move to take some stuff and drop off Brian’s car.  That way we only have to make one trip back with my van and a U-Haul when we move for good. Brian and Ethan and I found a great apartment in O’Fallon where we will be living-close to his Mom and not far from his brother. Again-so not like my former apartment living.....when they say luxury apartments, they mean it. Well, some do-we looked at some not-so-luxury luxury apartments too.  

We are both excited for a change.   Not that we don’t LOVE Kansas City, but the adventurous side of us is ready. And Brian’s job in STL has been put on hold temporarily due to Covid, so we may even do a little traveling once we get settled in. 

I vote for warm and sunny!!

Since my Covid infection, I’ve been doing well for the most part. I still have a cough I fight with and some fatigue if I do too much. But the one thing that was completely unexpected and sucks is the post-Covid phenomenon of hair loss. 

Yes, I said hair loss. 

It’s true-look it up. 

In the last 8 weeks I began to notice a change in my hair texture and started finding hair on my pillow. 

Now, if you know me well, you know I have thick hair, and a lot of it. And I don’t shed hair like some people do. I actually lose a handful every time I shower and more when blow drying or brushing my hair. 

Compact for comparison-this is hair I lose in one shower- and this is same day after blow drying...

So I asked my Oncologist if it could be my meds because 2 of them do have that listed as a side effect. 

Nope-if that were the case it would have happened before now. I’ve been on these meds for 11 months. 

It’s due to my Covid bout. And it may all fall out, it may not. There’s just so much we don’t know about Covid and won’t know for years to come. But this hair loss is definitely one effect. I’m so tempted to just shave it all off and see what happens....not like I haven’t done it before.  I guess I might wait until it’s warmer. But I’ve been bald in the winter months and do have some cute hats.....

I recently visited my Lymphedema nurse for my yearly follow up and to talk about how my lymph PT is going. My arm is ok. Just that-not great, not awful-just chronic lymphedema at this point. And I began noticing an area in my palm that could be a sign of fibrosis along with experiencing some hand numbness and tingling. Like I said, it’s not too bad right now, but we don’t want it to get worse, because it can reach a point where there’s nothing we can do about it. So she got me scheduled to see a plastic surgeon to see if I’m a candidate to have a lymphovenous bypass done on my right arm. I see Dr Butterworth with KU in January, and if I am a candidate I plan to have it done. 

It won’t make anything any worse if it doesn’t work, so what do I have to lose?  Basically he will find the small lymph vessels in my arm that are blocked and re-route them to dump directly into my venous system instead of having to fight to go all the way up to the remaining lymph nodes I have in my clavicle area to be filtered out.  It sounds like a major surgery-and for the surgeon it’s a lot of microscopic, fine detail work-but for the patient, apparently it’s not too bad and not a hard recovery. 

I mean, if it’s not one thing, it’s another right?  

Kind of like my recent hospital stay due to cellulitis in my lymphedema arm from a tiny cut on my finger. 

From cutting open my wine delivery....

Argh!!! 

That is the kind of thing that starts to happen that would classify a lymphovenous bypass as medically necessary for sure. 

My arm was fine-and then it wasn’t. 

Can you even see the tiny cut on my finger?  It’s all to blame for this: 

Hot, red and swollen and I knew exactly what it was. After 24 hours of IV antibiotic I already started to feel better. By day 3 I was ready to go home and finish out my antibiotic course with oral meds at home. 

It pays to still have friends in Healthcare that help you get in and seen quickly and by one of your favorite ER Docs. 

Heather Murphy-you’ll be jealous to know I got to see DG and he took great care of me!  All the staff at NKCH was fabulous-it’s just such a weird time for medicine and my heart hurts for all my friends dealing with this pandemic right now. 

Many of you may know that I lost an Aunt recently to Covid.  She had finished her treatment for Breast Cancer and was doing everything so carefully to avoid being infected.  But it wasn’t enough. After 3+ weeks of being unresponsive and on an ventilator in the ICU, she passed away. It was so hard to see the pain my Mom and other Aunts and Uncles went through not being able to see her, not talk to her, not hold her hand when she passed and to not be able to celebrate her life with a funeral. She was laid to rest with the same people present the day she married her husband. And I know she was welcomed to heaven by her Mom and Dad and Grandma. My Aunt Linda was an amazing person and so supportive of all of her nieces and nephews. Called me her ‘Hero Warrior Niece’ and checking in on us often. And she had the greatest laugh. I’ll miss hearing it forever.  If you look back on my Facebook posts-you’ll see a fun story I shared about her and I when I was younger. 

It’s just so unfair. 

And I don’t have the energy anymore to argue with people about Covid and masks and rights and all that other bullshit. Figure it out yourself. I just hope you never have to let a loved one die alone because of it. Because it sucks. 

I long for our pre-Covid existence just like everyone else-I’m just not sure post-Covid is ever going to look like that again. 

Sorry it has been so long between blog posts-I’ll update sooner I promise!  

Ethan has an overnight sleep study this weekend, Hailey is coming home for the Holidays and I still have shopping to do-so I gotta get back at it!

Have a very Merry and Safe Christmas!  

Love, hugs and prayers,

K

Busted Out!

 Finally got to leave the house today!  

But, only to go to the Cancer Center. 

Had to do a drive-thru Covid test and have 2 negatives before I can come and go freely at the Cancer Center and for my PT. 

So today is the first and Friday my second. 

Until those come back negative, I get to park in the garage and be snuck in the back way to my treatment room in isolation. 

Not too bad since they don’t really want me here they are moving quicker than usual to get me done and gone. 

Today I’m getting labs-CBC, Chem, Estradiol and CA 27-29 (tumor marker).  

And also will be getting my Faslodex and Xgeva shots. 

They’ve held my Kisqali (chemo pill) since 8/24 because it depresses my immune system and we didn’t want to make it any worse. So today’s labs will help tell them if my counts are high enough to start it back up. The shots really don’t bother my counts, just give me a sore booty for a day, so we are on track with those as long as my Calcium level is good today. 

My 3 month CT and 6 month bone scans should have been yesterday, but we pushed those to October. I was having horrible back pain right before I got sick-like morphine/muscle relaxer/tramadol/not sleeping/take your breath away back pain that has oddly subsided.  I had mentioned it to my lymphedema PT because my last appointment with her she could tell I was in pain.  And it just so happens she is certified in spine work too......she did a few stretches and interesting positions on me and showed me some stuff to do at home and it clearly did the trick. I have had almost NO back pain since. When you’re Stage 4 and have a new pain, your mind goes to all the dark places. Worrying about losing my ability to stand and walk and be independent is terrifying. Though I would really love to be able to go to my amazing Chiropractor, that resource is no longer. With mets to bone, your bones look like Swiss cheese full of holes, thus rendering that bone less strong and stable. When chemo works-and we know mine has been-the bone becomes sclerotic, or more rigid, but not necessarily more stable. It can actually become so rigid that it doesn’t ‘give’ and be at risk for pathological breaks. Having the mets in my spine and pelvis is concerning for that reason. So a new pain typically equates to some new panic. 

I did have some xrays on 8/19 and they didn’t show anything new-but the CT and bone scan give more info than plain films do. But not having the pain anymore that needs all of those meds to take care of helps me feel better that the new scans won’t show anything either!  

Things have been slow going at home. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m moving with my hair on fire all the time and this ‘resting’ thing is really cramping my style. But I am following doctor’s orders and doing just that. It doesn’t take much to remind me when I’ve overdone it. 

People have asked how I feel-and for the most part I feel great. I have definitely been ‘sicker’ before, but the fatigue is like nothing I have ever had.  Brian still has some times during the day he needs to sit and rest also. 

Which is hard to do when you’re trying to get a house ready to sell.....

Yep, cat’s out of the bag. 

The house is going on the market mid-September. 

After a garage sale this weekend (I’m crazy)

And the big dumpster in our driveway is gone. 

No, I don’t know what we are listing it for yet. 

Yes we have an agent. 

After 26 years on the PD Brian is retiring in December!  

I’m a firm believer things happen for a reason-hence our motto “It is what it is” 

•Me having Stage 4 MBC 

•Crazy world pandemic

•Brian not making the Captain’s List

•Hailey getting into PT School out of state

•Parker getting a ‘real’ job 

•4/5 of us getting Covid and clearly me the worst. 

I had accepted the fact that I have about 3-5 years left on this spinning rock and was ok with that living the status quo. 

But when you are faced with the illness I was two weeks ago and the unknowing and uncertainty and fear, it really hit me that I don’t want to die. I don’t want 3-5 years left and I definitely don’t want to die from some damn virus. And I’m really not going to let that happen sitting at home!  (Not that we can really go anywhere right now anyway-thanks Covid). 

And I realized the other day that this summer was probably the last time all 5 of my family will ever live under the same roof again. 

It is a surreal feeling. 

I have an almost 24 year old out of state in Grad School and a 21 year old starting a new job that could likely be his career and wanting to move out on his own. 

I kind of felt this way when Hailey went away to college-but this is such a different feeling than that-and even then we still had Parker home and got an extra year with HayJay. 

So, in just a few months it will be me, Brian and the bald kid. 

(Yay, woo-hoo, snap/clap) 

Just kidding 

So when the opportunities presented themselves to us that have, we decided to go for it!  I know we’ve said our retirement is going to be in Texas, but it looks like we’ll actually just be moving to the other side of the state. 

Yes, the St Louis area.  

I would have never imagined that we would be fortunate enough to find Brian’s bio family, 

AND them be just a few hours away,

AND such wonderful people

So we’ve got lots of years to catch up on and it seems the universe worked out this way so we could.  I’m lucky with lots of family I’ve always lived relatively close to, now is Brian’s turn and we are thrilled we are getting this chance. 

Not all the details are figured out right now, and plans will be fluid and likely change and be tweaked more so as we get closer to December-but for now-it is what it is and soon enough I guess I’ll be sporting some Cardinals red!  

Time is short, don’t take the days for granted, because I’m here to tell you the rug can be ripped out from under you at any moment and completely change your life. 

I know that sounds trite, but it’s basically how 2020 has played out for me, and I’m calling this year a wash. 

Not in a bad way. 

Not even in a good way. 

2020 just kind of ‘happened’ to me, so it’s time to make the most of this year!  

Thanks to everyone for the prayers and support-y’all got me through some rough times and still do. 

Be safe and be kind 

-K

Covid Update Day 6

Just got my second dose of Remdesivir and steroids today. The steroids are making me a hungry, moon-faced, crackhead,  jittery for my next fix.  My oxygen was bumped up to 2 liters last night to keep me at 96-97 and it helped. I drifted off to sleep with some episodes of my newest Podcast Sword and Scale. 

Today I’m up in my chair, planning to read some when the Gunther’s drop off my Kindle. I cannot have any visitors, but items can be dropped off at the information desk and they will get it to me or I can send someone down to get for me. They told me they love getting my stuff because I have received the most beautiful flowers ever!  Today’s gorgeous arrangement of sunflowers is from my awesome cousin Laurel Trumble!  Thank you sweet girl!! 🌻🌻

I love fresh flowers and have missed not buying a weekly arrangement from the City Market. 

These sure help being alone in this place! 

In talking to the ID Doc today he’s not surprised I went up on my oxygen and we can keep going up as needed to keep me comfortable. I’m here at least until Wednesday because the regimen of Remdesivir and Dex are 5 days. Saturday 8/29 being Day 1. 

I had a 20 min coughing fit this morning upon waking, but I have not had a fever so far today!  And the coughing is really loose and rattle-y in my chest so he thinks I’m doing good to break that junk up. The hot tea and honey is helping too. I should have snuck in my honey from Kim Angle’s 🐝🐝

I put my Apple Watch on today and I’m going to be getting up every two hours to make some laps around my room. Gonna get as many steps in as I can and stay up and moving to help clear this junk out.

I’m also now signed up for a clinical trial for a Pulm drug that will start tomorrow. 

Is is a subcutaneous injection of a drug used for patients at High Risk for rapid clinical  deterioration and ARDS. 

It’s called the PB1046 Vanguard Study by Dr Leslie Spikes here at KU. 

There is no placebo drug on this trial-I will either receive a low/medium/high dose and I’m being compensated monetarily after I’m discharged!  Not too shabby-making a little green for the Covid. 

In addition to this study and the Biorepository study, I also was part of a new testing process by Abbott Laboratories making a bedside 15 min rapid version of the test that doesn’t require the use of a swab reaching your brain. 

It’s 2 nasal swabs just inside the upper/inner area of your nares. Since I’m a known positive in the KU system they run my test sample and use it to see if the rapid test is as accurate with a different swabbing method. This could change taking days for people to get results. 

I love being part of the science in helping figure out this horrible virus!  And getting gift cards for it! 

Oh, and I’ll share the latest info I’m getting here about Covid please remember it is fluid and changes almost daily-this is the current:

•Once infected (date of positive test) you can shed virus for 10 days and have been considered contagious for 48 hours prior to positive test  

•once the 10 days passes you can be out of quarantine AS LONG AS YOU HAVE HAD NO SYMPTOMS FOR 72 HOURS.  If you have symptoms up to day 10 you are still contagious-STAY QUARANTINED  

•I am automatically quarantined for 14 days minimum due to my symptoms and immunocompromised status.  If I am symptom free days 11, 12 and 13, I am safe for public on day 14.  Mine starts the day of my positive test on 8/25 and goes to September 7th.  I’m cutting it close being that all my scans are ordered for 9/8.  Let’s hope I’m clear by then.  

Tomorrow I’m going to ask my ID Doc about re-infection rates and what they are seeing there if anything so far.

I’m in the Covid Unit with all positive patients and 1 pending/presumed positive.  There are 25 of us in my area right now and more in the ICU. 

Oh, and the Gunther’s are gonna try and find the driveway they can drive up and wave to me-I’ll let y’all know if it works!  I miss all your faces!  

Love and hugs,

K 

Covid SUCKS

 Let’s see if I can chronicle how I ended up at KU tonight....

My oxygen level dropped to 90 today and I was having sharp right flank pain. I was dizzy and nauseated and freezing-then a clammy sweaty mess. 

I called Dr Nye’s nurse Camie (my KU Oncologist) and she said do not pass Go, do not collect $200, go straight to the ER. 

And if you’ve never experienced KU’s ER-it’s a fucking shit show that runs like a chaotic well-oiled machine. And though I knew I’d be treated like a VIP at NKCH, I need to be here. 

It’s a sobering feeling to be sitting in an ER with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer and Covid. I’m not a crier, and I started crying when Camie told me to go in. I’ve read all the stories, I wear my mask. I really don’t go anywhere and I could be one of those horrible statistics that died from Covid alone in a hospital room without my family or friends. Not how I plan to go. 

Covid causes blood clots and one of my clotting labs was elevated so I got a CT PE Chest to rule out a pulmonary embolism in my lungs. Yes-the dreaded elevated d-dimer. But hey-they have a really nice GE 256 slice scanner so I chatted with the CT Tech about it-in between horrible, hacking coughs from lying flat. 

My blood pressure is elevated at 157/96-probably because of the raging headache and neck pain I have. 

My lab work shows my white count is 2.9 and my ANC is 1.53-I’m definitely immunocompromised.  And the CT didn’t show any blood clots-but rather ground glass opacities in both lungs-worse in my right. Otherwise known as pneumonia. And tonight I have a fever of 101. 

I went from feeling *pretty good* yesterday to having bilateral pneumonia in less than 24 hours. I can’t stress enough how scary this virus is. 

I’m being admitted to Internal Medicine Service and I really liked the Dr who just came in to talk to me. 

Here is the regimen I am going to be on for now:

Tylenol q4

Breathing treatments q4

Rocephin and Doxycycline antibiotic 

Tessalon Perles for the cough 

Deep breathing exercises to try and clear all the junk from my lungs 

Advance nutrition as tolerated -speaking of which, I could really go for a hospital jello right now!

He is also going to have the Onc on service weigh in because Dr Nye has me currently holding my chemo. 

I’m still in the ER-hoping to go to a room soon and beg for some food. I will keep y’all updated. 

Wash your hands, wear your masks and don’t take this shit for granted. I feel 

absolutely 

A W F U L.  

Nobody deserves to feel this bad. 

Summertime Update

It’s been far too long for me to post an update. Typically that means no news. In this case-there’s been lots of stuff going on. Ethan’s spine surgery was Friday 6/19 at Children’s Mercy. And I’m not gonna lie-this surgery had Brian and I more anxious than any of his other surgeries. Even his heart surgeries. The potential for a variety of complications was huge. And in true bald kid fashion, this was no exception. 

Ethan was placed prone (on his stomach) for the entirety of the surgery and his back literally filleted open. As a heart kid they can’t dump fluids in him, and he lost enough blood during surgery that he got some of his own blood back on the cell saver and a unit of donated blood. He continued to need blood later in the evening after surgery also. He also decided to spice things up with some funky heart rhythms during surgery. That bought him some cardiac drugs-dopamine and replacement calcium, magnesium, potassium and albumin. And more time in the PICU.

 I almost laughed at Dr Schwend when he told us Ethan would likely be home 5 days post-op.....yep, it took Ethan 10. He just has to prove everyone wrong! But 5 days in the PICU with some amazing nurses and 5 days on 4 Sutherland with more amazing nurses and they got him squared away. I think I have been anxious from the day we knew he needed surgery until about last week. And he has done remarkably well at home. He went home with 56 staples we had removed July 8th and his 7.5 week follow up with Ortho is next week. He was off all narcotic pain meds within 10 days of being home-they wreak so much havoc on his gut we needed those to go fast. This week he’s been in his regular wheelchair and as soon as I feel up to it-I’ll be taking him for a spin around the neighborhood! And once we can get his adaptive tricycle adjusted to his new 3” growth, we’ll be cruising him on that too! 

 So, thanks to Dr Schwend and Anderson-the Ortho Dream Team-and all the fabulous staff at CMH, my worries were assuaged and overall our sweet boy breezed through yet another surgery. And check out how straight our boy’s back is and all his new hardware! 

Brian took the written portion of the Captain’s testing process in March, and completed the Oral Assessment portion last Monday. We are thinking we will know if he’s being promoted to Captain by sometime next week. I’m so proud of all the studying and preparation he put into it and I’m sure it will pay off. 

Hailey got the great news that she was accepted into the University of St Augustine Doctorate of Physical Therapy program in Irving, Texas!  Her hard work and perseverance in pursuing her dreams has finally come to fruition. We’ll be getting her moved to Texas and settled there in the next few weeks for an intensive 2 years and 8 months of grad school. At least I’m not working anymore and can go see her anytime she wants or needs me!

  

Parker turned 21 on July 2nd!  Yes-21!  I have no idea how, because I’m not aging. He and some friends took a trip to Colorado to celebrate and stayed in Denver and in a cabin with a gorgeous view in Estes Park. He has been very helpful to me at home with Ethan. I can’t pick Ethan up the way he needs to be right now-so P does the heavy lifting.  He’s still a little lost about what he wants to do with his life, and suffers from depression. We’ve had him in to see 2 different physicians recently and he’s seeing a third this week. I’m hoping the third time is the charm and we can get him squared away. As much as I wish it was something I could help him with-the best thing I can do is get him the professional help he needs and make sure he knows we will always be here for him.  This is not new, he’s struggled for years, as far back as middle school, and we’ve just seen him spiral the last year and we’ve got to get it under control. 

I’m doing well. Well is a relative term for me-some days are good. And some are not so good. This week is my off-week from chemo and it’s usually the toughest week of the month for me. At least the first few days of no chemo are.  Fatigue and nausea. And couple that with the heat and humidity of the good ole Midwest, and I’ve had some pretty significant aches and pains the last two weeks. My tumor marker is back within normal limits-35.1 on a scale of 1-38 being normal!  Woo-hoo-I haven’t had a normal Ca 27.29 for almost a year!  That and my CT that showed all my bone mets are stable with no new ones tells us my chemo regimen is working. 

But....there’s always a but in this family....

I have gained 25 pounds since January putting me at my heaviest. Ever. And it sucks. What sucks even more is to hear from my Oncologist that losing weight with stage 4 hormonally positive breast cancer is the hardest thing to do. My hormones are working against me and the drugs I’m on to keep my cancer at bay aren’t helping either. 

I’ve been walking-when I feel good and the weather isn’t like the Sahara or pouring-but the humidity makes my back ache. Oh, and I can’t go to my favorite chiropractor because ya know-spine mets and the potential for a broken back. So I’ve finally gotten Brian and Parker on board and we’ll be tracking all of our food and I’ll be doing the Fasting Mimicking Diet or FMD. There is positive research that FMD is beneficial to cancer patients not only to help with weight loss, but tumor regression and need for fewer drugs to combat chemo side effects!  Since Brian wants to get off his diabetic meds-the FMD will help him also-if I can get him to do it. 

It just pisses me off that 8 years ago my Onc didn’t stress the importance of losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight. Being that my cancer is so Estrogen positive (100%) just suppressing the estrogen produced in my shriveled up, raisin-like 49 year old single ovary I have left is not enough. Did you know that excess body weight produces estrogen? Ya, me either. Until now. And likely this weight contributed to my MBC diagnosis. So if you are a hormone positive breast cancer patient or love one-please encourage them to get the excess weight off. It may just save their life one day-in more ways than one. 

Oh, and Covid. I’d love to say that during the great pandemic of 2020 I accomplished something like learned a new language or perfected some culinary skill. But, alas, I did not. I binged some serious Netflix-Schitt’s Creek and Supernatural being the latest. And I’m really surprised my husband hasn’t kicked me out of the bedroom at night laughing so hard at David and Alexis and Moira and Johnny’s hilarious antics.  

And I did get elected to be the Secretary of our Police Friends and Family group recently. I look forward to helping out again with this group and our Blue Family. I even got to judge a Margarita Contest as part of my secretarial duties!  The Steak contest and Margarita contest proceeds were donated to our group and will help us help our officers and their families and continue to bridge the gap in our community. 

And I’ve turned our basement into my personal sign painting class studio. I love to sit and paint and listen to podcasts. I’m a true crime podcast junkie-so share with me your faves!  

And if you ever want to paint some cute holiday or home decor-hit up my business page Salvage 2 Chic I’ve got a class coming up end of the month. 

Brian and I are planning to head to NOLA with our dear friends The Williams in September-so I’m hoping the Covid cooperates and we can actually go down. Brian’s cousin Mike called last weekend to tell us that the Mayor just basically shut them down again by not allowing drinks-to-go from bars in the French Quarter. Apparently she felt there was too much gathering and the potential for it to be a hotspot too great. So I guess we’ll seen soon enough. 

But I am beyond excited about getting to do dinner and cocktails with my gals this week-it’s been a rough 2020 on all of us-and we need some laughs. It’s been way too long since we’ve been able to go out!  Now to decide where.....

I promise I won’t wait so long to post another update. In the meantime stay safe and if you’ve never watched Schitt’s Creek-put it on your list-you won’t be disappointed. Unless you don’t like to laugh. 

Gotta go watch the latest episode of Yellowstone and try to figure out how I can go work on the Dutton ranch and enjoy all that beautiful scenery. Not just the mountains and the horses, if you know

what I mean.....

Love, hugs and prayers,

K

Spine Surgery is a GO!

We have been preparing ourselves for Ethan’s big back surgery June 30th, until we got a call last week that due to Covid it had to be rescheduled. They didn’t have a date for us at that time, but wanted us to go ahead with all of his appointments needed to ‘clear’ him for surgery in the meantime anyway.
So we visited his amazing Pediatrician in person. Gosh, I love Dr Russell! She is such a fan of our bald kid and I’m so happy to have her in our corner! All good there, said he’s the best she’s seen in years. Weight is stable, coloring of feet and hands is better, and of course he was sitting up showing off for her.
Pulmonology was next-it was a Telemedicine appointment. Based on his history of being difficult to extubate, she thinks he may suffer from a little obstructive sleep apnea because he’s hypotonic (floppy) and that his pharynx may be a little floppy too. He’s required racemic epi and oxygen and even bipap after a couple of surgeries. And he’s never been able to cough hard enough to clear so we are getting a cough assist machine at home to start working on his cough. Because post-op and in pain and he sure won’t be coughing on his own.
Then we took him to see our favorite bald doctor-Ethan’s cardiologist Dr Kaine. After an ECG and Echo, all of which were FABULOUS, he’s ok from a cardiac standpoint for this surgery too. His echo shows mild aortic and mitral valve leakage, which we already knew about, but his Melody looks as good as the day it was put in almost 7 years ago!
And after we got home from that appointment, I got the call that they DO have a surgery date for us now-June 19th is the day! Sooner than we expected, but all good!
He has a couple more appointments before the big day and a full spine CT and MRI. Since his scans will be done under anesthesia he has to have a Covid test done the day before-drive thru style at the main CMH campus. And the day before surgery he’ll be having a PICC line placed which will serve as his IV access, so no need for a bunch of pokes to get an IV at the start of surgery.
Our next few weeks are going to be crazy busy with E’s appointments and I have my 3 month CT and several PT appointments along with my regular visit with my Oncologist and my shots.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a nervous wreck about Ethan’s surgery, it’s a major one. It’s an 8ish+ hour surgery, but because of Ethan’s heart, there will be a second Ortho doc along with Dr Schwend in the case. They will keep it to 6 hours to keep him safe.
They will be placing rods the length of his spine from T4-L5 -so upper back all the way to his pelvis. He’s going to be in a lot of pain post-op, so pain control will be our main focus in the immediate days afterward. I don’t know all the logistics of recovery time, PT, movement, etc. We have an appointment with Dr Schwend on the 10th to go over all of our questions.
I’ve had several people ask if now is a good time to get this surgery done for Ethan with all that’s going on with me. And I thought about it, long and hard. But I’m not going to get ‘better’. And right now Hailey and Parker are both here to help me take care of him. And we’ll have nursing. It’s a harsh reality, but one to face that if we wait another year there’s the chance I won’t be in any shape to partake in his care at all-AND the older kids may not be here to help. And besides, since there’s a pandemic going on, any vacay plans we had for this summer are shot anyway-so surgery it is!

Last weekend my sister, Mom and I took a trip to La Junta, Colorado-my Mom’s hometown and where some of my Aunts and an Uncle still live. My sister-cousin from further North CO came down too. We had a great time. We laughed. A lot. We painted signs and ordered carry-out (fantastic vermicelli) we visited the cemetery where my Grandparents are buried. My nieces (really my cousins-but more like nieces) and I walked the cemetery and looked at all the headstones and inscriptions and flowers and trinkets loved ones placed there and saw a headstone that was a bench.
I thought, what an amazing idea. A place to sit and talk to your loved one when you need to. We joked about how some headstones were covered with flowers and what-not. I laughed and told the girls that just like the ginormous extra bow their Mother needed on her sign the day before, that I’m not a believer in ‘less is more’ but rather ‘more is more’ and my headstone better be as extra as that bow I made their Mom. More is more! And that I would haunt them all if they didn’t remember that. I also got to see my Aunt Linda who is fighting her own battle with Breast Cancer right now-she’s on the downhill slide with only about 9 Radiation treatments left! When I was younger she corrupted me and fostered my love of horror movies by allowing me to watch The Shining when I spent the night with her! We walked to the 7-11 for our Big Gulps and M&M’s and then hunkered down to watch my first scary flick-I was probably 7. But I wasn’t scared because we had her big Dobermans to protect us! Anyway-keep her in your thoughts. Have I mentioned how much my family hates breast cancer-I mean really-three women, when is enough? We need a cure already.

I’ve been unemployed now for 6 weeks and it’s a weird feeling. Kind of like an extended vacation. I miss my work peeps for sure!
I wish the weather would pick a season-it rained like a monsoon here today and was cold last week and then we had summer temperatures other days! Makes it hard to plan anything. But then again, I have big plans everyday. Gonna finish a specific project, gonna start a new one, gonna clean out the basement, gonna clean out the garage. And then some days I just don’t have it in me to do much of anything. So I don’t. I’ve started making smaller lists of things to complete-so I don’t feel so worthless when I only get one or two done.
I’m hoping when I tell my Oncologist about my fatigue that she has some grand idea to help it. Especially since I’ve found a good combo for my pain that doesn’t make me drowsy-I hate that my energy is so zapped all the time.
I’ve got a couple of sign-painting classes coming up and I’m looking forward to them. I had one last week and it was so nice to be around people again! And I love seeing people create something they are proud of-everyone thinks they aren’t artsy or crafty-and those people are always surprised at how good their signs turn out.

I hope everyone is staying safe. I’m sick of the Covid and what it’s done to all of us. I really miss my family and friends. My gals I used to walk with and have a GNO with. I miss handshakes and hugs. I want the world to open back up again, and damn I miss First Friday’s. I’ve binged everything on Netflix and Prime and Disney+, now I’m watching an old favorite NYPD Blue. I did just finish an incredible book call Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, recommended by my Onco Psychiatrist. It’s written by a Holocaust survivor who was also a Psychiatrist. Currently we are working on what I want my Legacy to be when I’m gone.
Right now it involves lots of sleeping, wine and swearing. Lots of swearing. My Psych thinks I need to work on that Legacy....we’ll see.

Keep Ethan in your thoughts and prayers to remain healthy for the next 3 weeks.
And good results on my CT Scan.

Will keep you updated.

Love, hugs and prayers,
K



Pic of Ethan’s curve-we can’t wait to see how much taller he gets when his spine is straight!
He’s our little hunchback

Quarantine update.

Since my last update Ethan decided to take a trip to Big House, yes, in the middle of a pandemic.
He was fine one minute and then he wasn't. In true Ethan fashion he spiked a temp and his oxygen sats dropped. He was having difficulty breathing and doing a little forced, long expiration. When we couldn't get his sats over 88 we headed down. With all the Covid precautions in place, the ER was empty. We got in and seen quickly and got put on 3 liters of oxygen to keep his sats at 90. Labs came back showing an elevated white count of 26k (normal being 4.5-11k) and an elevated CRP, which indicates an inflammatory process going on in the body. Those alone with the oxygen need bought him a room on 6 Hall Tower. His viral panel came back negative so they decided to test him for Covid. Never before have I been so scared for him, knowing he did not have the ability to fight that virus. Thank goodness it was negative, as was his chest x-ray and blood cultures. It was a short stay of only 4 days, and they ended up calling it an 'unknown viral illness'. I'm so glad it was just four days because with all the isolation precautions in place, only one parent can be in his room at a time. We are used to both of us being there a lot, plus Hailey staying overnight (she's young and can handle the 'bed' in the room) And it was just kind of empty, lonely and sad without people roaming the halls and everyone's faces covered by masks.

The week after Ethan's admission was my last week of work at NKCH. My last week of working as a CT Tech after almost 26 years. No, I didn't leave to go work somewhere else, other than home. My button-pushing days had just run their course in the midst of everything going on. Between my diagnosis and Covid, it was time. I am eligible for disability based on my metastatic diagnosis and have applied, and now is time to take advantage of all that social security I've paid into since I started working at age 15. Brian wanted me to quit working back in February, we just needed to get things squared away since we will be without my income for 6 months before my first disability check comes. I still have the allowance of making a little bit of money every month, so I will likely get a job doing something once the world opens back up again. Maybe. I'll definitely have time to do more of my sign classes and I've got some other fun and crafty things on the horizon too.

It's really weird being home all the time. Literally, ALL.THE.TIME. with nowhere to go.
I've made a lot of dinners for the family.
I've done a lot of laundry-sheets, blankets, pillow covers, curtains, all the stuff that doesn't get washed as often as it should.
I've made a few signs.
I've burned a bunch of wood in the firepit and cleaned up our back patio (sorry to my backyard neighbors for the eyesore our wood pile had become)
I supervised my husband planting two new trees.
I helped weed our landscaping beds and pull dandelions and dead bushes.
I've taken several walks around our neighborhood-some with Ethan, some with Hailey and the dog, some by myself at night to think.
I burned some more shit.
I (and the kids) cleaned up the storage area of the basement that holds our holiday deco, now we just have the other half to do which is full of stuff from the boutique.
I celebrated a birthday-number 49 yay-and zoomed with family for it.
I've done a lot of online shopping-A LOT-so much so that after six packages came today I'm pretty sure my husband has hid my debit card from me.
I've drank a lot of wine and even decided to become a wine seller of clean-crafted wines. Watch my FB page for more info on tastings soon-even virtual ones!
I've downloaded a dozen books to my kindle I'll start reading now that I've binged everything good (and not so good, and downright hot mess express) on Netflix, Hulu and Prime. Hell, I've even started re-watching Weeds and am pretty sure I'd make a good Nancy Botwin....
I'm really glad I don't have to homeschool anyone, because they would fail. It's hard enough with the bald kid when he shakes his head NO at me anytime I mention doing some class time online.
I've enjoyed being Mom and wife and yes, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms and making meals for those I love.
But if the world doesn't open back up soon I'm gonna go crazy up in here!

I need to see my friends and do our girl's night out dinners. And I need to get back to our Sunday Funday brewery tours with the Pruettings. I need to do Taco Wednesday at Hard Core with the fam. I need to be able to see my sisters and parents and not fear for anyone's health. I need to get my fork tattoo with my bestie. I need my cousin to be able to re-book that flight she had to cancel. And I need to enjoy a nice dinner out with my love. But I understand the need to take things slow. And I'll likely stay locked up for several weeks after everything opens back up. And that's my choice. In the meantime, it kind of feels like the movie Groundhog Day. If I don't make myself do something productive every day, I'll lay on the couch and channel surf.
Now that it's May I'm starting a healthy eating and moving regimen around here and nobody but Hailey and Ginger are happy about it. Yes, the boys are griping, but they'll get over it. We're gonna get healthy if it kills us. And being locked in the house together, it just might!

I started having some pain in my right hip a few weeks ago, and told Dr Nye about it at my last appointment. She ordered some imaging and it shows that I have new metastatic lesions on my right femoral head, as well as my lumbar spine in multiple areas-predominantly at L1 and L5. It's definitely not the news we wanted, but we'll deal with it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pissed to get that news. I had some moments of anger and frustration and sadness and why me? and why us? and why isn't the chemo working? But then I come back to why I quit working in the first place, to have time with my family.
Dr Nye is less concerned about the new lesions, and won't be until we get my next scan in June. My tumor marker is down to 39 whereas less than 38 is normal, so she thinks the areas may have already been there in January and are reacting to the chemo causing them to show up more clearly now. The pain in my right leg is intermittent, but when it's there it's a 2 morphine pills kind of pain. That kind of pain makes laying around all day easier to feel less guilty about. Please don't feel sorry for me, I'm not giving up. But an extra prayer that my June scans show no new disease and my tumor marker stays within normal range wouldn't hurt. And a prayer for my family-all my family. I know this is hard on them. And then open a bottle of wine or whiskey and drink a toast to happiness-and not to waste a day without it. And call or text or write your loved ones and tell them that you love and miss them. Life's too short. Way too short. Don't let it get away from you. I think this quarantine has helped a lot of people realize that and get back to the basics of family and togetherness, I know it's helped us.

I'm off to change into my 'nighttime jammies' now and go read a book to Ethan. It's supposed to be gorgeous here tomorrow and as long as my pain is taking a day off, I have big plans for the garage and yes, more firepit burning. Oh, and Stroud's for dinner. My sister face-timed me from NOLA the other day munching on some Gus' Chicken and I've craved fried chicken ever since. Speaking of NOLA-we've made plans for a trip down in September with our friends the Williams and it ought to be epic-every thing with them is! We are so looking forward to it. And now that I'm home full-time, I'm going to start writing the book I've always wanted to write. Will keep you all updated!

much love,
k

frangar, non flectar
"I will break, but I will not fold"