Plans in motion



what my breast cancer looks like-can you see it? 
amazing something so small can be so devastating.

I've met with more doctors in the last week than I have in two years, and been given more info than my tiny little brain can make sense of.  But I think we all have a plan, and it's being set in motion as of today. NOTE; this post is full of medical terminology and hoopla and I am feeling the need to be
'teachy'.  If not interested skip to bottom for the synopsis!

Met with Dr Sirridge at the KC Cancer Center today and he was almost ecstatic about some of the pathology that has come back since my meeting with Dr Failing.  I will try to explain it as best I can-

~Because there were two separate masses in one breast, it is still called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma-but is considered Multicentric Breast CA (CA is cancer).   The grade 2 from the previous post is basically the rate at which the cancer cells grow-they grow at a 1-slow rate, 2-medium rate, or 3-aggressive rate.  Mine being is a 2 is middle of the road-just like me, the middle child!

~My tumors are 100% Estrogen receptive  and 90% Progesterone receptive or ER/PR+, and this is fantastic-means they will respond fabulously to hormone therapy-namely Tamoxifen.  This treatment is done towards the end of chemo(if needed) and for 5 years from start to help against recurrence.  Cheers here!

~The tumors were HER2/neu Negative.  This also is good.  This is where Dr Sirridge got really excited!  HER2/neu is human epidermal growth factor receptor 2.  This is a gene that sometimes overproduces the HER2 protein, thus making the breast cancer cells divide and grow at a very rapid rate.  Mine being negative means it is NOT an aggressive form of breast cancer and I will NOT need Herceptin treatment.  Little cheers here!

So my full diagnosis is Multicentric Invasive Ductal Carcinoma grade 2, ER/PR+, HER2/neu negative.  And with these types of cancers, the survival rate at 10 years is 85-90%!  Again-little cheers here!

Now is where it gets tricky.  As if all of  that above wasn't, right???
How do we get started?
~Lumpectomy vs. Mastectomy.  Means take part of boob with tumors or all of the boob in laymen's terms.  Lumpectomy in my case (because of two separate areas-pretty far apart) would mean taking about 1/3 of the right breast and radiation therapy, but still keep boob on body.  Mastectomy means taking all of the right breast, leaving tissue on the chest wall to heal. 
Many of you don't know I went to Radiation Therapy school a long, long time ago-though I never have worked in the field.  And I saw lots of radiated boobs, post lumpectomy.  In 1993 I knew I would NEVER opt for lumpectomy and radiation having seen what I did-and I still feel that way.  Add on top of that the risk of recurrence and then dealing with a mastectomy and breast reconstruction to a radiated chest wall.  YES, I am an X-Ray Tech, and yes, I LOVE Radiation.  Diagnostic-not Therapeutic.  So as you can probably guess-lumpectomy is out.  Mastectomy is in. 

~Right only (unilateral) or both (bilateral)?  Well, since I am going to be getting a new boob on the right for sure someday-I may look kinda funny with a gorgeous, perky DD next to my tiny, little, nursing destroyed,  barely a B.  Just kidding.  For safety's sake against recurrence-they both gotta go. 

~Part of the mastectomy will entail a Sentinel Node Biopsy.  This occurs during the surgery where they check to see if any of the lymph nodes in my right axilla (arm pit) are affected.  This is where the staging will come from, and thus help determine the need (or not) for chemotherapy after surgery. 
With  a bilateral mastectomy-they take both breasts, but only do the node biopsy on the affected side-or the right.  If the nodes are positive for cancer, the Surgeon will do a node dissection and take them out.  Surgery takes about 2 hours-but most of this time is spent waiting on the Pathologist to let the Surgeon know whether or not the nodes are affected.  Then I spend one night in the hospital and go home the next day.  Yep, you read that right-ONE NIGHT. This is the standard of care in the industry, I'm not being cheap :)    Not sure how I feel about that yet, I will let you know post-op day one.....

In talking to Dr Sirridge today, we talked about testing me for BRCA1, and BRCA2, or the human genes known as tumor suppressors.  If I carry either of these genes AND if there is a mutation on
it, it can mean an increased risk of cancer.  And also mean a greater risk for recurrence.    This is not necessary for treatment, but for me, and my daughter and my sisters and all my female cousins-it is.  A positive BRCA1 or 2 can mean an increased risk of cancer for those considered my 'first degree relatives'-all those gals I just mentioned whom I love so much.  Now me being positive would not mean automatically that they have it, and would be up to them to decide if they wanted the testing.  Catch?  It's expensive as hell.  About $3500.  Most insurances pay all but about $400.  I guess we will find out Monday if it's ramen noodles in the Rawley house next week or not!?!!?   JK-they are kind enough to set us up on a payment plan....of course you are!  Gee, thanks.  With all that's going on with our insurance right now, kinda makes me nervous-my PD and FD friends will get that-but it's a whole 'nother post and one that I get pretty pissy about.
 Dr Sirridge talked to Dr Maureen Sheehan in regards to the genetic testing because he says she is the 'gene guru'.  He wanted her opinion as to
1-we do the testing at all (yes-blood drawn and being sent out)
2-we wait for results to do surgery and type of surgery if positive (yes)

#2 is a yes because even though I am opting for a bilateral mastectomy-you are asking what the hell else could he do to me in surgery?  Well, if positive, I could need a port-a-cath placed for subsequent chemotherapy, and I would rather get the most bang for my buck-meaning one surgery, get it all done.  So, we are waiting for those results. 

Now for the best news, or silver lining, if there ever could be in a cancer diagnosis.
With my hair color, eye color and body habitus, my chances for a rockin' fabulous breast reconstruction are awesome!!  In a nutshell (these are Dr S's words-not mine) the bone thin skinny, blond haired, blue-eyed women do not fare as well in chest wall healing and future reconstruction as my 'type'. 
Basically, because I have a little extra cushion on my butt and thighs, the plastic surgeon can suck it out and put it where my new boobs will go with or w/o an implant!  Rock the freak on!  Doesn't mean fat is good, or that I have no intention of taking off all this excess weight I have been trying to for years.  BUT, since we all know as women that in losing weight the last places to go are always the butt and thighs, and towards the end of this journey I'm sure there will still be a little there-and it can go right on up top to help out the new sisters!  woo-hoo!

As it stands, I will have a bilateral mastectomy with right side sentinel node biopsy on Friday March 2nd.  Everything else will be determined from there according to the plan outlined above.  I like a plan, I need a plan, and I am happy with this plan.   Please know that these choices were made by me and Brian, and are what work best for our life.  I support any decision a person facing cancer makes that works for them.  Just because I have chosen this particular route of treatment does not make it better or more curable than any that others have chosen.   

 Don't get me wrong, if I could go to Seattle Grace Mercy West and have the expertise of Dr's Bailey, Yang, Grey, Hunt, McDreamy and McSteamy, Avery and Karev, I'd be on the first plane.  Then off to Oceanside Wellness group for some 'whole body healing' from Dr's Bennett, Wilder, Turner, King and Wallace, then sip some wine on Addison Montgomery's Malibu beach front property with her and Amelia Shepherd,  I would be there.  But since that is TV, and this is REAL, I'll be happy with with the fantastic care from my friends at NKCH-who have already taken such amazing care of me, and my new friends at the KC Cancer Center!  (I'm kind of a Grey's/Private Practice freak in case you couldn't tell)

Ugh, did I leave anything out?  I have no idea.  This is all so surreal.  One minute I think I can handle this and the next I want to crawl under my covers and go to bed, hoping to wake up and realize this is just a bad dream. 

But it's not a bad dream, and waking up tomorrow means I have another day to fight this terrible disease that kills 40,000 women annually. 
And it means that I won't be one of those 40,000. 

Not if I can help it. 

And I sure can.

And the results are in....

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma In Situ Grade 2.

Those words just sound ugly, don't they?

Ductal Carcinoma-a cancer that starts in the milk ducts of the breast. 

In Situ- means "in it's original place"

So, if you put those together, it means milk duct breast cancer still contained within the milk duct. 
Well, you'd think so.   BUT,  when you throw that word invasive in there,  it changes the whole ball game.
Invasive means just what it sounds like-invading other areas than the milk duct.

Grade 2-will have to wait for an oncologist to explain this term.  I am finding on my own that it basically means it has not spread to any other organs, but other than that not much info as to whether it is the same as 'staging'. 

This type of cancer accounts for 65-85% of all breast cancers-very common.


There were two areas biopsied, and both have the same pathology.  Though we don't know yet if it has invaded any other areas of the breast or axilla (arm pit) the potential is definitely there.

We will be meeting with Dr Failing  and an Oncologist from the Cancer Center either Wednesday of this week, or next Monday and be presented with all potential treatment options.  From my own research,  it looks like the typical course is surgery-whether lumectomy or mastectomy, chemo, hormone therapy based upon hormone receptors this cancer may respond to, and radiation therapy.  Any/all combinations of those mentioned are possible options.

I'm at a slight loss for words here-who ever whoulda thunk that about me???  But honestly, I have been googling myself insane looking for doctor's names here in KC that specialize in breast cancer treatment and am having a hard time finding someone that jumps right out at me.  I am going to hit up my personal doc and my ob/gyn for suggestions, as well as the fabulous Rads I work for.
 Where would you take your wife?   Cause that's where I want to go. 

Otherwise, I am doing well.  I still feel perfectly fine, other than a yellowing, green, black and blue bruised up boob that still hurts a little.   I threw myself a little pity party this weekend, complete with gummy bears, Coke, Twizzlers, Hershey kisses, and lots of snuggles from the bald kid.  Still no hot mess crying episode-I'm sure that will happen when I least expect it-like in line at the grocery store, complete with splotchy red face and running nose.   Ought to be a sight when that does happen! 
We are approaching this like we do everything-It is what it is.  Doesn't mean I won't get mad, cry, yell or throw stuff.  But in the meantime I am going to be researching diet and at least get to walking every day.  A clear mind has got to help, and working out always helps clear my mind!

The kids are taking it very well-they have had so much crap hurled at them for so long, it really is just one more thing to deal with.  But seriously-my kids are wise beyond their years, and I long for that youthful innocence for them most kids have and take for granted.  It's just not fair.  But, hey, neither is life, and what doesn't kill you....

Ethan was diagnosed with pneumonia and pulmonary edema last week. We talked them out of admitting him and instead got them to let us take him home with a dose of steroids, antibiotics, more albuterol and the promise we know how to get him back to Mercy if he needed to go in!  He perked up over the weekend, and I'm glad-cause he was wearing me out at home last week!

Brian is scheduled to have surgery on his shoulder next week-we will see what this week brings for us and go from there.  If they want to move as quickly with me as we have done so far, I may be the one on the operating table.

Hailey has a big volleyball tournament this weekend-200+ teams at Bartle Hall!  That will be fun and mind occupying for me!   Parker will have a basketball game on Saturday-his last one was their best by far-only lost by 6 points! 

Please don't be afraid to call us, text us, email us, whatever.  I know you don't know what to say.  Hell, I don't know what to say!  But your voice and words of support will help all of us through this!  I have always said we have fabulous family and friends, well, we are probably going to need you all now more than ever.  And though we are famous for not asking people for help-I'm sure we will need to, and I promise we will! 

Have a very Happy Valentine's Day!  Tell the special people in your life what they mean to you and hug them extra long today.   And I have not been very good at bringing about awareness to Congenital Heart Defects this month.  But 1 in 100 kids are born with a CHD,  and too many don't live to their 2nd birthday.  We are blessed and lucky to still have the bald kid in our lives, as so many parents I know are celebrating this day day with bittersweet memories of a child lost too soon. 

I will update more as we know it.  In the meantime I need to find some pink boxing gloves and get to kicking some cancer ass....

love and hugs,
K

Only the nice people get cancer......

Those of you who know me know I'm pretty candid and straight forward about stuff-so I won't be any other way this time.  If you follow me on FB, then I'm sure you are wondering what my latest post meant regarding the crummy weather in our house. 

Well, like I have said for years-if the Rawley's didn't have bad luck, we'd have no luck at all-and this time is no different.  I found out on Weds this week during a normal, yearly, run of the mill, annual appointment for my boob squeeze that I have a 9mm mass in my right breast. 
Mass? You ask, yep, fuzzy borders on mammo and ultrasound, taller than wide, not there on last mamm, calcifications within, not cystic, mass.

Yep.  a mass.

Mass is really a bad word-it should more accurately be called a gut wrenching- life threatening- tear jerking- question everything you ever knew to be right in the world reality check.   Cause all that and more goes through your head when you see the Radiologist circled (in bright red ink, no less)
#5.  Highly suspicious for breast cancer.  Biopsy needed.

Cancer?  Only nice people get cancer.  Come on, we say it all the time in healthcare-we scan a 'nice patient'-kind, clean, uses their manners, thanks us, is humble, we just know they are a nice person.  That's the person who gets cancer-not me, not the evil, mean, bitchy person I am.  I am not a 'nice person'.  Doesn't cancer know I'm a bitch????

Long, long, long story short-Dr Malley at Imaging for Women and all the staff I encountered there were fabulous.  Kind, gentle, honest.  Yet still couldn't hardly look me in the eye when I left with my films, numb, trying to fight back the tears with smiles and thank you's. 

Biopsy needed.  This week said Dr. Malley.  Sooner than later. Use your resources at the hospital.

I went to work last night and took my films with me.  One of my favorite Rads was working-and I wanted his opinion. I trust him, and it was exactly what I already knew. 
Biopsy needed.  Soon.  Can probably do under sono.  So Sorry you're dealing with this.  Let me know if I can help expedite anything. 

Brian and I met with Surgeon Dr Failing today.  Nice man, no BS, cut to the chase, honest and straightforward like I like. 
It's cancer.  I have pretty much no doubt.  Let's get this out and move forward quickly. 
Is tomorrow quick enough?  Yep-unless you can do it right now.
Anything smaller than 2cm is considered 'small'. 
Yours is half that. 
It's a really early catch. 
Cancers this small have a 90% cure rate.

Sono guided biopsy for me on Friday Feb 10th. 
The Rad will numb it, put a needle in it, take out a few samples, put a titanium clip in, do another mammo, send to pathology, wait.

Wait.  A word kind of like Mass.

Have I thought about a course of treatment?  Do you know me?  Of course I have.

1.  BRCA gene testing-I have a family history of breast cancer.  I want to know if I carry the gene.  Some people don't.  I do.  Knowledge is power.  This is the power I want for my daughter, my sisters, my female cousins. Need a little light reading about this:  http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA

2.  Positive BRCA gene?  Bilateral mastectomy, hysterectomy.  I can't afford to have something come back in 5, 10, 15 years.  I have a husband and kids and one of which is totally dependent on ME.  Get it all out now.

3.   Kick this cancer's ass. 

cause cancer may not have known I was a bitch before.  but it sure will now.

2011 A year in pictures....

My New Year's resolution will be to blog more. 

I have lots to say.  And I know you are all dying to know.

Just a few pics to document our crazy lives in 2011. 

I learned a lot in 2011.  A lot about myself.  A lot about my family. A lot about life in general.

I turned 40 in 2011, and my husband threw me a party not to be outdone anytime soon. 

I realized my best friend really is my husband, and I would be lost without him.  He is always there for me, I am completely comfortable in my own skin with him, and he knows and loves me for me.  All of me.  Imperfect. Bitchy. Crazy.  And everything in between.  (oh, and there's lots in between-just ask him!)

I have the most wonderful kids a Mother could ask for.  Yes, somedays, I don't question why certain animals eat their young, but for the most part know that they are the absolute best of me.  The best of me that I didn't even know existed.  I know they will make their ways in the world and leave marks on all they encounter. They are full of love, and never complain, even when something (or someone) changes their plans-namely the littlest and baldest one.

I have a great immediate family.  I have crazy, funny, eccentric, bossy, bitchy sisters.  My Mom is pretty much the same, we come by it all naturally, and I wouldn't change a thing. 
My Dad's pretty amazing for having put up with all of us over the years and still have any hair left.  I know, more than ever, that I can count on each and every one of them to be there for me, cause they have, and they will. Always and Forever.  My brothers live out of state-and I'm sure for the reasons mentioned above :)  I love and miss them bunches. My step-mom thinks we are all crazy, and ya know what-she's absolutely right! That's what I love about my family.

My extended family-cousins, aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles are pretty darn cool.  They have opened their doors, arms, and hearts for us in this last year in ways I can never repay. I love having extended family I am close to, cause when we are all together they make me smile, make me laugh and make me drinks.   They are giving my children a lot of what I had growing up-family far away in miles, but always close at heart.  A gift they will cherish as they grow older-like I do!

My friends, my besties.  Well, what other can I say about them other than they are all hot messes.  Much like myself.  Birds of a feather...you know the saying.  Parties, hugs, dinners, lunches, sales, Bunco, late nights and early mornings, they are there.  Phone, email, FB, text.  They are there.  I love them, need them, and can't imagine my life without them.  Over the years I have realized what makes a friend, and what doesn't.  All of you in my life, I call 'friend', thank you for being such. 

I have a job to go to where I work with some amazing people who make me smile and sometimes laugh so hard my belly hurts.  I enjoy going to work, and I know lots of people who can't say that.  I like helping people, but sometimes I wonder why people don't help themselves more often-then maybe they wouldn't be on my scan table.  My work place is like it's own little world, one I love to escape to some days and just be an employee-not a mom, wife or caregiver.  I have needed that this year, and I got it. 

I have known love this year like never before. 

Thanks 2011, it's been a good year, cause I made it through, I'm still here, and get to live another one.

Cheers to the memories made and the ones yet to make.

Bring it on 2012-I'm ready.

Trip brings back memories and makes new ones!

We recently returned from our family summer trip to Colorado where we had a fabulous time!  I have made that drive so many times as a child-not necessarily to Denver, but to La Junta, where my Mom grew up.  My parents would pack us up in the back of the blazer  and drive all night across Kansas.  We would sleep pretty much the whole way-as I remember it anyway-my parents would probably disagree.  Then we would wake at my Grandma Flora's house! 

Our week there would be spent playing 'round the block hide and go seek', going downtown to get sodas from the real soda fountain at Woolworths, running all over town with my cousins Tony and Angie, spending nights at their house often, and watching Angie's softball games.  Often I would stay a week or two longer and it is the memories from those trips that I will cherish forever.   I remember one time staying the night with my Aunt Linda-I would have been about 9 yrs old-and we walked the two blocks or so to 7-11 for Big Gulps of soda and a huge bag of M&M's.  Back at her house we snuggled up with her dobermans, Camille and I can't remember the other one's name, but both big dogs that looked really mean, but were sweethearts!  We watched 'The Shining' that particular night-yes I was 9!!!  It has been my favorite scary movie since.  I hope we created some of those same cherished memories for our children on this trip-and I'm pretty sure we have. 

Brian, Hailey, Ethan and I returned after 9 days, but we left Parker there with my Aunts Mici and Kathy-much like my old summers were spent.  He is due to fly home this week, and in talking to him every night, I know this trip has been as great for him as my childhood ones were for me!

If I journaled every detail, I would need to write a book-so I have included some pics below I will write a short blurb about.  Many, many more pics are on my facebook page though if you are bored!

Our trip began after I got off work early on a Thursday morning about 7am.   Momma's new ride packed to the hilt with kids, suitcases, oxygen, wheelchair, cooler and Brian and I.  Ethan made it about 30 minutes before the temper tantrums started, a trend which unfortunately lasted much of the trip.  At one point I was ready to leave him on the side of I-70, but then we covered him with a blanket and turned on one of his CD's-must you ask who??? and he did ok.  For a little while anyway. 

We pulled into Thornton about 4pm and my Aunts were sitting in the garage with cold beers in hand.  Really.  Sitting outside in the garage and not melting from high temps and ungodly humidity.  The weather was beautiful the entire time we were there!  70 degrees was the average, and on the days it actually hit 90+, the fact that there was no humidity made it oh, so wonderful!!

The busy trip began!  Late night Thursday with dinner at a cool little brew pub with a gorgeous view of the mountains to the west!  Then up late talking and planning what we wanted to do while there.  I was really just so glad to be out of KC, I really didn't care what we did!  Being with my awesome aunts made it even better!!

Friday we went to see my cousin Tony and he cut my hair and cut and colored Hailey's.  Her first highlight ever!!  She was so excited! 

Hailey's highlight self photo!

Saturday night Brian and I had a date with my cousin Tony and his partner Jim.  We first hit Hamburger Mary's for cocktails, then off to Pagliacci's for absolutely delicious Italian food.  Then to Stueben's for after-dinner drinks.  Stueben's has been visited by Guy Fieri and featured on 'Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives' and is unique bar/restaurant in a mechanic's garage!  Our bartender was the very attractive Randy, along with equally gorgeous twin brother Ryan whom I let offer suggestions for my drinks.  My first was great with ginger beer, and my second was made with Absinthe and tasted like 140 proof Good-n-Plenty box of candy in a glass!  Needless to say we had two drinks there and headed home!  Thanks for a great time Tony and Jim-we miss and love you guys bunches!

Amelia, Parker, Madison (the dog) and Olivia

Aunt Jeanne and Oliva

Sunday afternoon we had a BBQ with my Aunt Jeanne and cousin Angie, her hubby Dustin and kiddos Olivia and Amelia.  Brian and Aunt Kathy made ribs, green chile, beef tenderloin, smoked chicken, corn salad, home-made salsa and I made 'summer beer' me and Aunt Mici to enjoy.  For those of you who would like the recipe just email me-it's a fabulous summer twist on regular beer.  All was going fantastic with a cornhole game, eating and enlightening conversation until a trip to the ER was needed for stitches for my cousin Amelia.  She got a little too friendly with Madison the dog and sustained a bite worthy of 5 stitches to her cheek.  Hence the bandaids on her cheek in the following pictures!  In our family-it's simply not a party til a trip to the ER is made. At least this time it wasn't the bald kid!!

Monday we took a trip to Estes Park and up into Rocky Mountain National Park.  Because Ethan is permanently disabled, he received a pass which entitles him, and his entire party, admittance to any National Park in the US free of charge forever.   It was a lovely trip with the prettiest views ever!  We were nervous about taking him up to that high an elevation, but figured now or never.  Ethan is a member of our family and we didn't want to exclude him because of his oxygen need.  We just packed extra O's and up we went.   He had a meltdown at our first photo op, hence the picture of Brian holding him and the lovely temper tantrum, screaming look of pure pissed offness on his face.  It was actually quite hysterical for us, and as we laughed harder at him, the more mad he got.   We got to the top at Trail Ridge Store, an elevation of nearly 12,000 feet.  I had to have the picture of him in front of the elevation sign.  *many heart kids are not advised to travel to very high elevation, thus all the talk of elevation.  We were actually advised to go no higher than 8500, but what the heck-thus the picture. 

Anyway-he had another temper tantrum meltdown there so I grabbed him and high tailed him back to the car to warm him up-the temp up there was about 47 degrees.  So here I am running across a football field length parking lot hauling his 36 lb skinny butt, an oxgyen tank, feeding bag and him wiggling all over the entire time making it quite difficult for me.  By the time we reached the car, I needed to share Ethan's oxygen with him!!!  I'm in much better shape than I was, but doing that at 12,000 feet proves to be quite a cardio work-out!  

Down the mountain we went, passing snow still on the mountains, a herd of elk and a couple of huge Moose grazing in a field.  Beautiful I tell you, simply God's country at it's finest.  And the air was so clean and pure! 

The rest of the week Ethan had appointments at Children's Hospital of Colorado, which were finished by mid-morning, so we filled the afternoons with trips to the Water Park-Hailey and Parker and Aunt Kathy that is.  Brian and Mici and I  took Ethan to the Denver Zoo! 

We met my cousin Angie and her girls at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science and toured the pirate exhibit.  That night for dinner we hit Quaker Steak and Lube-a very cool bar/grill complete with a 100oz tube of beer called a 'lube tube'.  Yep, we drank 3.....

We went to the Denver Aquarium and did the Coors Brewery Tour.  Coors tour was neat-free and three free beers at the end of the tour!  They are brewing pre-prohibition beer from a recipe used in 1919 that is only available at the brewery.  It's called Batch 19, and my favorite by far!  I can't wait for them to release it nationwide.  If not, my Aunts will just have to make weekly trips to Golden and pick us up 6 pks to mail!!  And get their three free beers.....

the kids and Sharky at the Denver Aquarium

Amelia, Parker, Hailey, Olivia, Angie and Ethan at the Museum

Arrgh, a pirate's life we lead.....

There's his happy, smiling face.  At the Coors Brewery of course, you can tell he's our kid!!!

Batch 19, my new fave!  Good thing I can't get it here in KC yet!!

cute pic if the bald kid had been looking at the camera!


We had a memory making, fabulous time, and are ready to move out there.  Once Ethan got over himself and stopped having fits, oh, and pooped, he did so well with the easy to breathe in weather and cool nights.  I miss everyone so much already, and appreciate the hospitality of my awesome Aunts Mici and Kathy for putting up with us and sharing such a memorable trip with us.  And like all the other times I loaded up into a packed car and headed back to 'Kansas', tears were shed and promises were made to visit again soon.  This time, I know we will keep that promise and go back to the gorgeous state of Colorado very soon!

I had  to include this photo-jackholes who park in handicap parking without tags are my pet peeve!!  I'm gonna make up cards that look like tickets with this picture on it and start putting them on folks cars who park there so they know who they took a spot from!!!!

Fallen off the wagon....again.

Yep, talking about me, but not talking about AA.  Talking about the weight loss battle I've been fighting, quite expensively I might add, for almost a year now.  I've fallen off the wagon, it's been an epic fail, and whatever new trendy terms you can coin to describe that I've managed to keep off the 20lbs I originally lost in the first 10 weeks of working out with James, but that's about it. 

So with the news of Ethan's upcoming surgery in 6-8 weeks, I got a wild hair up my ass and decided that would be the perfect goal to work towards.  Ya know, much like the Policeman's Ball, and my 40th Birthday were goal dates back in February and April.  Fruck-where did the time go?  It's freekin' July (well, almost. practically. might as well be dammit.)
Anyway-goal time, again.  30lbs in 30 days...yeah right says James, trainer extraordinaire.  But with that perfectly white smile and twinkle in his eye. But Nutri-System, Slim4Life, LA Weight Loss, Jenny Matthews and everyone else on the damn radio says it can be done...
Ok,  Let's be realistic-12lbs in 6 weeks is more likely. 
Ok, then I'm pushing for 15lbs-bring it on!!  

So starts my new regimen of running.

Yep, I wanna be a runner.  Why?  I love running clothes-not the men's shorty shorts we wore in 6th grade in 1983....the new cute women's stuff-oh and the shoes are pretty rockin' too.  Have I ever mentioned my love of shoes?  Quick Fact:  went on 5 day cruise in 2005 with Jody, sis, mom, step-mom and lots of other women.  Jody and I took about 30 pairs of shoes total between the two of us.  No lie.  My husband thought I was crazy.  Well, he still does, but that's a whole new blog post. 

Anywho....back to running.
Download the Couch to 5K on the new phone.
Load up the ipod shuffle with some new jams (love Niki Minaj's Super Bass-but most of her music is rated R -BTW)
laced up the running shoes.
reset my calorie counter watch to my new age of *egads* a 40 yr old Female, and reset my resting HR, weight, etc.
*FUNNY story about the calorie counter watch-was wearing it a few months ago and did my normal 500 calorie burn routine on the elliptical and when I was done looked at my watch counter and it said I just burned 2,687 calories!!!  Woo-freakin'-hoo!!  WTF am I doing this 5 days a week if I just burned that many calories in one hour???  I'm gonna be a size 2  by next week at this rate!!  Yeah, jackhole, watch counter soooo not right.  Reset and did same thing next day-487 calories burned-just like the damn elliptical said I did the day before. 

Sorry, keep getting off track.  Back to running:
Outside, decent morning weather, start with 5 minute brisk warm-up, then let the man's voice on my C25K tell me what to do next.  Before I know it, I'm like Forrest Gump, running round the neighborhood 60 seconds at a time.  And I'm loving it so much I decide to get crazy and run down the big hill on the busy street next to our 'hood.  Down the hill, awesome.  Up the hill, not so awesome, but I did it.  Crossing the street to get back to hood, and I'm right in the middle of a 60second run, so of course I can't stop to cross the street and step properly up the curb.  So I leap onto the curb with what I think is all the grace of a gazelle, and more like the lumbering elephant I am, I come crashing quite awkwardly on my right foot just right.  Well, really wrong, and my knee knows it.  Ouch, and many curse words follow.  And those of you who know me well, the F one is my favorite.
 
But I'm tough, and I wanna be a runner so bad. 
I keep going, thank heaven I was back to my 5 minute cool down walk. 

Home, ice, heat, ibuprofen and a little wine-I mean whining and it felt better. 

So, a few days later, and a couple more runs later-though with much less gazelle leaping, I finally get back to work out with James.  My right knee is killing me, it's on fire like a hot poker sticking through it. 
Again, I'm tough. I can do this.
He modifies one of the exercises I am doing so I can actually complete it, and I make through my hour of pure blissful torture.
After talking over my epic failure with James, he reassures me he is still willing to work with me, help me and set new goals (again) and help me get there. As always when I talk to him, I am motivated, and excited and feel like I can tackle the world. 

 once I get home I decide to run, again. 

And though it's not AA, I will admit this. 

My name is Kari.
and I'm NOT a runner.

But I'm back on the wagon.  And I'm losing that 12-15 lbs in the next 6 weeks.
Come hell or high water
and we've got lots of high water around here.

And ibuprofen, ice and heat packs...

Happy Father's Day- Top 10

Happy Father's day to all Dads everywhere.  Especially to my husband and 'baby daddy' Brian.  On  this day just for you, I figured I would swallow my pride and finally admit that you have been *gasp* right about some things which I just stubbornly have refused to admit, and we argue about on at least a weekly basis.
 However-this admission is happening today, and today only-as a matter of fact, within 10 seconds of reading this post it will disenegrate, blow up, disappear, and be lost forever (insert the "Mission Impossible" theme in the background here)  So, if you accept this mission-know it is one-time only, as once gone, I will never, ever admit to them again!

I borrowed this idea from a favorite blog I follow:  www.rantsfrommommyland.com
Kate and Lydia are absolutely hysterical for the self-proclaimed not perfect, but perfect for our family unit-Mommies.

I've actually made it into a Top 10 list -I have to admit it was hard to come up with 10 things, but I did it!

10.  Ok, the baby really DOES have too many clothes.  It's kind of an addiction of mine, but heck, since we can't really buy him toys, what does it hurt to have 42 summer outfits and 13 pairs of shoes??

9.   I am a 'distracted' driver.  I am not quite ready to admit what you say that I am a 'bad' driver-but I will say I tend to be distracted at times by my phone, the radio, screaming at children or trying to text while holding a large mug of beer while driving on the way to bunco....

8.  I have an addiction to Coke.  The red, shiny like a Christmas tree ornament, cold can of divine happiness.  I don't do drugs-can't I have this one vice???

7.  I do pout.  Occassionally.  Only if I really think it will work, or don't get my way.

6.  I will be late for my own funeral.  I just want you to know that I come by this trait of tardiness naturally.   I think there is a gene I should be tested for, I'm sure it's been passed down for generations in my family.

5.  I have enough scrapbooking supplies.  But, much like #8, this is a legal addiction.  But if I don't buy it while I see it, it could be gone.  That fabulous paper pack that will look so great with Hailey's high school graduation pictures on it.  Some day...in like 4 years when she actually graduates, even though I've only made it to her 2nd birthday pictures anyway.

4.  I sometimes purposely wait for you to get in bed and get comfortable before asking you to get me a glass of water, turn off the light, or whatever annoying thing I can think of to ask you to do just to see if you will  get out of bed and do it.  Yep, I admit it-I say that I don't do it on purpose-that it just happens that way, but secretly, I sometimes do it on purpose.

3.  I am a closet hoarder.  Have you met my father?  That's all I'm gonna say about this one-at least it's an admission.  Again-a gene, passed down for generations.  It is nearly physically impossible for me to throw something away that I may use or need someday which seems completely and utterly useless to you.

2.  I have too many hair products and yes, get angry enough when my hair doesn't do what I want it to that I throw cans of expensive hairspray at the wall and punch a hole in it.  Not sure I want to elaborate on this one, kinda makes me sound a little crazy, huh?  My cousin Anthony will understand this one though, right???

and for the final, #1 admission I will post for all the world to see-one time....

1.  I will admit that I appear to others much more put together than we both know I really am.  I'm just a hot mess most days running around like a chicken with my head cut off, juggling way too many responsibilites that I can't seem to let go. 
But then again, honey, that's why you married me-cause I'm all that, AND a bag of chips...(oh, and I do love cheesy cliches like that)


Happy, Happy Father's Day Honey.  Thanks for being my baby daddy!